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Ticket Dealer: [to manager, referring to Homer] That overweight guy wants to see the movie.

Manager: I’m terribly sorry, sir, but I’m afraid our facilities are not equipped to meet your needs.

Homer Simpson: What are you talking about?

Manager: What I’m saying, sir, is that a man of your carriage couldn’t possibly fit in our seats.

Homer Simpson: I can sit in the aisle.

Manager: I’m afraid that would violate the fire code.

Bystander: Hey, Fatty! I’ve got a movie for ya: A Fridge Too Far!

While we’re on the topic of sweet junk…

Popcorn, raisinets, ju ju bes, twizzlers, sour patch kids…

How do you roll when you go to the movies?

I like to strap a feedbag on and eat popcorn like that. Sometimes, I’ll have something chocolate cause I’m a surf n turf kind of guy.