Dude, what happened to the spring? The sun is out but man, it’s winter cold again.

Might as well warm up with some of this:

Facing the Phillies’ starters, Phil Hughes struck out five in three innings while slotting into the fifth spot in the rotation on short rest. Jamie Moyer was better as he, Chad Durbin, and Ryan Madson dominated the Yankees and the Phillies won 3-0.

Lineup:

R – Derek Jeter (SS)
R – Marcus Thames (DH)
S – Mark Teixeira (1B)
R – Alex Rodriguez (3B)
L – Robinson Cano (2B)
S – Nick Swisher (RF)
L – Curtis Granderson (LF)
L – Brett Gardner (CF)
R – Francisco Cervelli (C)

Subs: Jon Weber (1B, RF), Jorge Vazquez (1B), Eduardo Nuñez (2B), Ramiro Peña (SS), Kevin Russo (3B), Melky Mesa (CF), David Winfree (LF), Randy Winn (DH)

Pitchers (IP): Phil Hughes (3), Zach Segovia (2), Mariano Rivera (1), Damaso Marte (1), Royce Ring (1), Amaury Sanit (1)

Big Hits: None. The Yankees had four singles and no walks. No Yankee reached base more than once. I suppose the big hit was Marcus Thames‘ single as it got his average back in the triple digits (he went 1-for-3 and is now hitting .114) and came against a lefty (Jamie Moyer).

Who Pitched Well: Mariano Rivera, Damaso Marte, and Amaury Sanit each threw a perfect inning recording a strikeout each. Working on short rest so as to get in rotation as the fifth starter, Phil Hughes worked three scoreless innings while allowing just two singles and striking out five including Jimmy Rollins, Chase Utley, and Ryan Howard in the first. He also walked four and uncorked a pair of wild pitches, though reports were that he was just missing the zone rather than being as wild as those numbers might suggest, which is something I’ve seen Hughes do in the past. He refuses to throw to the heart of the plate even when he’s not getting the corners.

Who Didn’t: Royce Ring struck out two in the eighth, but also allowed two runs on two doubles. Both runs were unearned, however. Zach Segovia wasn’t charged with a run, but he allowed an inherited runner from Hughes (who faced one man in the fourth and gave up a single) to score and allowed four baserunners (two singles, a double, and a walk) in two innings of work.

Nice Plays: Nick Swisher threw out Placido Polanco at home with the help of a nice tag by Francisco Cervelli.

Oopsies: Francisco Cervelli made a throwing error. Jon Weber, playing first base, booted a ball. Eduardo Nuñez was picked off first base while pinch-running for Robinson Cano following one of the Yankees four singles.

Cuts: Thirty-year-old Cubano Amaury Sanit was finally farmed out. He impressed in camp, striking out six in 5 1/3 innings without issuing a walk or allowing a run. He is likely headed for the Triple-A bullpen.

Other: Francisco Cervelli will be away from the team for the next two days to attend to an unspecified personal matter.

Nude, by Amedeo Modigliani (1912)

Here is part two and three of Pat Jordan’s spring break piece for Deadspin (and here’s part one):

It was almost 2 a.m. now, and I decided to go back to the hotel to get some sleep so I’d be sharp for the wet t-shirt contest the following afternoon. I walked back toward the hotel and passed Molly Brown’s Ladies. I asked the guy at the door if they had any kids in there, figuring a strip club was too expensive a proposition for college kids. “Yeah, we got a lot,” he said. I smiled and said, “You got any age-appropriate chicks for me? Maybe 65, 68, but without aluminum walkers?” He did not laugh. I decided, what the hell, might as well go in, but he stopped me. “I don’t want you in here,” he said. I flashed him my Gawker/Deadspin letter, but it did no good. I let it drop and walked back toward my hotel, with two thoughts: No one will let me in anywhere, and kids on Spring Break today are different from the kids in Fort Lauderdale in the ’80s. The Lauderdale kids had no money and slept in their vans. These kids stay in hotels, go to strip clubs and nightclubs and bars that are expensive. The Lauderdale kids ate at McDonald’s, and if they were lucky enough to have the cash, they stayed 10 kids to a hotel room, which they destroyed. It’s the times. There’s no free lunch anymore. Only kids with cash and plastic get to play.

Roger Ebert recalls his drinking days over at Granta:

Above all we drank. It is not advisable, perhaps not possible, to spend very many evenings in a place like O’Rourke’s while drinking Cokes and club soda. Sometimes I attempted to cut back, by adopting drinks whose taste I hated (fernet branca) or those with low alcohol content (white wine and soda). Night after night I found these substitutes relaxed me enough to switch to scotch and soda. For a time I experimented with vodka and tonic. I asked Jay Kovar what he know about vodka ‘as a drink’. He said: ‘Sooner or later, all the heavy hitters get to vodka.’

The MAN:

With that fully formed mustache, Tom Brookens looks like a throwback to one of those tough Irish players of the 19th century. He also looks as ready as any infielder could possibly be on his 1990 Upper Deck card. As it turned out, Brookens had to be readier than most. He didn’t have much natural talent; he lacked a smooth swing, possessed little power, and had only average speed. In the absence of superior skills, Brookens compensated with an extraordinary work ethic and a high level of intelligence. Those qualities allowed him to last 12 seasons in the big leagues, while preparing him well for a second life as a coach and manager.

Originally drafted and signed by the Tigers’ organization, Brookens made it to the major leagues shortly after the arrival of Sweet Lou Whitaker and Alan Trammell, two fellow infielders who had come up through the Bengal system. Prized as prospects, they had far more ability than Brookens, forming one of the game’s best double play combinations for about a decade and a half. So Brookens settled for a role as a combination of semi-regular third baseman and utility infielder. He would play most of his games at third, but also be available to relieve Whitaker or Trammell at either of the up-the-middle positions.

Young third basemen often challenged Brookens along the way. There was Barbaro Garbey, who was once called the “next Roberto Clemente” by manager Sparky Anderson. Other prospects, like Howard Johnson and Darnell Coles, also received shots at the hot corner. They all had more talent than the incumbent, but Brookens outlasted all of them in a Tigers uniform. Even by the late 1980s, Brookens remained the Tigers’ No. 1 third basemen on the depth chart.

As far as third basemen go, Brookens was considered a subpar player, because of his inability to hit for either high average or power. But as a utility infielder, Brookens was regarded as one of the most accomplished role players in the game. Never complaining about his irregular role, the surehanded Brookens became a reliable defender, usually hit about .250, smacked an occasional home run, stole the odd base here and there, and gave Anderson the kind of versatility that every manager craves. By the end of his career, Brookens had played at least one game at every position, with the exception of left field and pitcher. If given the chance, he probably could have filled those slots, too.

(more…)

“Hot Tub Time Machine” is getting good reviews. Looks like it could be good for some cheap laughs (and is there a better kind of laugh than a cheap one?).

From A.O. Scott’s write-up in the Times:

“Hot Tub Time Machine” is the poignant story of three men, adrift in their 40s, who try to recapture the lost joys and squandered possibilities of their youth. I’m not entirely joking, though the movie itself is a nonstop barrage — somewhere between a riot and an orgy — of crude, obnoxious gags and riffs. If you are a connoisseur of sexual, scatological or just plain stupid humor, you will find your appetite satisfied, even glutted. But viewers of a certain age and background — let’s say those who know the lyrics to “Jesse’s Girl” by heart, even if they never really liked that song — are likely to endure the merry anarchy with a twinge of pained, slightly nauseated nostalgia.

…The undercurrent of misogyny and homophobic panic that courses through most arrested-development, guy-centric comedies these days is certainly present here. But unlike, say, “The Hangover,” which sweetens and sentimentalizes its man-child characters — allowing them to run wild and then run home to Mommy — “Hot Tub Time Machine” is honest in its coarseness and pretty tough on the fellows who are the agents and objects of its satire.

I’m downski.

Blue II By Joan Miro (1961)

Brad Bergesen and company shut down the Yankees road lineup while the Orioles hitters beat up on Alfredo Aceves. Orioles win 8-0.

Lineup:

R – Derek Jeter (SS)
L – Nick Johnson (DH)
S – Mark Teixeira (1B)
R – Alex Rodriguez (3B)
L – Robinson Cano (2B)
S – Nick Swisher (RF)
R – Marcus Thames (LF)
S – Randy Winn (CF)
R – Francisco Cervelli (C)

Subs: David Winfree (1B), Justin Snyder (2B), Kevin Russo (SS), Ramiro Peña (3B), P.J. Pilittere (C), Jon Weber (RF), Greg Golson (DH)

Pitchers (IP): Alfredo Aceves (2), Boone Logan (1), Sergio Mitre (2), Chan Ho Park (2), David Robertson (1)

Big Hits: A double by Randy Winn who had three of the Yankees’ five hits, picking up a safety in each of his three at-bats. Winn is now hitting .259 on the spring (7-for-27 with a walk, a double, and seven Ks).

Marcus Thames, meanwhile, is hitting .094 (3-for-32) with just one walk and no extra-base hits after going 0-for-4 with a pair of strikeouts. Joe Girardi keeps talking about Thames’ track record, and it still seems as though Thames will make the team. That should tell you just how much spring performances really matter. Thames came into camp with a huge lead on his lone remaining challenger, David Winfree, a 24-year-old with 116 games of experience above Triple-A and none in majors. Winfree, who went 0-for-1 in this game and is hitting .263 (5-f0r-19, also with one walk and no extra-base hits) on the spring, likely hasn’t done enough to close the gap. Still, it’s interesting to see the Yankees giving him some work at an infield corner as he has played 250 games at the hot corner as a pro and thus offers some versatility that Thames, who has a strong arm but a glove and feet made of lead, doesn’t.

Who Pitched Well: Chan Ho Park worked around a pair of singles while striking out two and walking none for a pair of scoreless frames. David Robertson stranded a single and a walk in a scoreless ninth.

Who Didn’t: Alfredo Aceves‘s first poor outing of the spring was his last, and this one was worse. He gave up six runs (five earned) on a pair of walks and six hits, including a two-run Adam Jones homer, while striking out no one. He pitched to four batters in the third, but failed to get an out before getting the hook.

Who Did Neither: Competing for the final spot in the bullpen, Boone Logan came in with two on and none out and got a groundball to second only to have Robinson Cano throw it away and let both runs score and the batter reach second. That batter-runner then scored on a pair of productive outs before Logan got out of the inning. You can’t really blame Logan for the first two runs, but the third kept him out of the “Pitched Well” category. Meanwhile, his competition, Sergio Mitre, gave up a run on a walk and a pair of singles in his two innings of work. Neither pitcher struck out a batter. Logan gets the edge there for not allowing a hit or a walk, but it wasn’t a convincing victory.

Oopsies: Robinson Cano made a big throwing error in the third that let two runs score and put a third in scoring position that later came around on a pair of productive outs. It was his first error of the spring.

Other: CC Sabathia got lit up by the Phillies’ Triple-A campers, allowing seven runs on a walk, a hit batsman, and seven hits, including a pair of homers while using up 88 pitches in just 3 2/3 innings. Remember, CC was 1-3 with a 4.85 ERA after his first six starts last year and 18-5 with a 3.06 the rest of the way. In 2008, he was 0-3 with a 13.50 ERA after four starts and 17-7 with a 1.88 the rest of the way. The big man takes a while to get rolling. Don’t sweat his performance until May. In other rotation news, Chad Gaudin was released. I already dealt with that likelihood in my Mitre post on Tuesday.

Check out this great site if you’ve got the stomach. It’s about as depressing as it gets:

Scrolling through pictures of the wreckage, all I hear in my head is this tune:

Phil Hughes has been named the fifth starting pitching in the Yankees rotation. This report from the AP has the details.

Kalustyan’s:

Cheap it ain’t, but if you don’t feel like schlepping out to Queens, it’ll do the trick.

This update is powered . . . by a song about Canada, sung in German, by animated cartoon characters:

• Curtis Granderson adjusts to life with contact lenses.
• Joel Sherman on the strategy behind the release of Chad Gaudin:

Instead the key date is March 31 at 2 p.m. That is the deadline to release players with non-guaranteed contracts and owe just 45-day’s pay. So if the Yanks are unable to trade Gaudin between now and then, they almost certainly will release him and pay him that severance, which will be around $720,000.

Since the Yanks are obligated to that amount, I would assume they would be willing to pay at least that much of his salary as part of a trade and, perhaps, a bit more. The one advantage of having Gaudin pass through waivers is that the Yanks can send him to the minors. But there is no chance they would pay him $2.9 million to begin in the minors. After paying the $720,000, they could re-sign him at a lower rate and send him to the minors, but Gaudin probably would not accept that since he likely can find major league work elsewhere if the Yanks outright release him.

(more…)

The official announcement of the Yankees’ fifth starter will be the big news today, but Wednesday’s headline was the performance of fourth-starter Javier Vazquez, who carved up an admittedly weak Nationals lineup as the Yankees cruised to a 3-1 win. Well, that and the fact that Ramiro Peña will once again be the Opening Day utility infielder.

Lineup:

R – Derek Jeter (SS)
L – Nick Johnson (DH)
S – Mark Teixeira (1B)
R – Alex Rodriguez (3B)
L – Robinson Cano (2B)
S – Jorge Posada (C)
L – Curtis Granderson (CF)
S – Nick Swisher (RF)
L – Brett Gardner (LF)

Subs: Juan Miranda (1B), Kevin Russo (2B), Ramiro Peña (SS), Francisco Cervelli (3B), P.J. Pilittere (C), Greg Golson (RF)

Pitchers (IP): Javier Vazquez (6), Damaso Marte (1), Mariano Rivera (1), Mark Melancon (1)

Big Hits: A triple by Alex Rodriguez (2-for-3), Doubles by Nick Swisher (1-for-3), and Nick Johnson (1-for-3, BB).

Who Pitched Well: Javier Vazquez needed just 77 pitches to get through six innings plus one batter. He didn’t issue a walk and allowed just one run on four singles while striking out six. Mark Melancon pitched a perfect ninth striking out two. Mariano Rivera worked around a double for a scoreless eighth, striking out two as well.

Who Didn’t: Vazquez gave up a single to the only man he faced in the seventh. Damaso Marte then allowed that inherited runner to score on a double by former Yankee Alberto Gonzalez, though Gonzalez was the only baserunner Marte allowed in his one inning of work.

Oopsies: Brett Gardner was caught stealing second by the former Yankee battery of Brian Bruney and Wil Nieves.

Cuts: The first real significant batch:

Kevin Russo: Russo hit .333 in camp, but Russo has always hit. The issue is that he’s not really a viable shortstop, and twith Alex Rodriguez now six years and one hip surgery removed from the position, the Yankees likely reasoned that they couldn’t go into the season with Russo as Derek Jeter’s sole backup at the position. Russo moved his name toward the top of the list of replacement bench players, but with the Yankees hoping to get 150 games or more out of each of their infielders, they properly opted to go with Ramiro Peña’s glove and versatility over Russo’s batting-average-dependent offense. It will be interesting to see if the Yankees stick him back at second base in Scranton or give him more exposure at short and third in the hope of increasing his defensive value.

Juan Miranda: Miranda didn’t hit much in camp and, as Scranton’s first baseman, will have to fend off the advances of Jorge Vazquez while battling with Jesus Montero to be the first name called when Nick Johnson goes down with an injury. Given that Miranda’s also in the last year of his contract, success in Scranton could just as easily get him traded as promoted.

Greg Golson: Golson hit .300/.364/.550 in camp and struck out just four times in 20 at-bats, which offers some hope that the tweaks made to his swing and approach by Kevin Long are already yielding results. If Golson can control the strike zone, he has the tools (speed, power, glove) and athleticism to be an upgrade on Brett Gardner, but he’ll have to prove it over a larger sample as Scranton’s center fielder.

Mark Melancon: Melancon was fantastic in camp, but there’s just no room in the Yankee bullpen: Mariano Rivera, Joba Chamberlain or Phil Hughes, Damaso Marte, David Robertson, Chan Ho Park, Alfredo Aceves, Sergio Mitre. That’s seven. I’d like to have seen Melancon make the team over Mitre, but as I explained Tuesday night, I’m kind of okay with Mitre making the team, particularly given how strong the rest of the pen seems to be. Had Melancon pitched better in his extremely brief major league opportunities last year, he might have had the edge. As it is, he’ll likely force his way onto the major league roster in the first half of the season.

Jonathan Albaladejo: Albaladejo made the Opening Day roster each of the last two seasons but got hurt in 2008, failed to distinguish himself in 2010, was lit up in camp this year. If there’s no room for Melancon in the bullpen, Albaladejo has no chance. He should follow Edwar Ramirez out of the organization shortly.

Morning Sun, By Edward Hopper (1952)

Okay, so it’s the late afternoon, not the morning; the sun is still out, and this picture still sings.

I got it figured out:

Mr. Jordan goes to Spring Break for Deadspin (Part One):

So, the boys at Deadspin had this idea. Brilliant, really. Hilarious. They were sitting around the office one night, throwing out story ideas, coming up with nothing, getting frustrated, or maybe there isn’t actually a Deadspin office, and they really are just a bunch of guys hunched over their computers in the darkened basements of their mother’s houses, surrounded by boxes of cold pizza crusts and empty beer cans, emailing each other with one idea after another when one of them came up with this truly brilliant idea after having seen Jeff Bridges in “Crazy Heart” too many times. “Let’s throw the Old Man at Spring Break!” The Old Man with his white beard, threadbare thrift-stop Hawaiian shirt with the pink flamingos, OP shorts, Publix flip-flops, looking like a Florida derelict wasting away in Margaritaville, smoking his cigar as he tries to chat up some co-eds from Ann Arbor and Iowa City in Froggy’s and Razzle’s and the 509 Lounge with some pitiful, dimly remembered barroom rap that used to work for him 40 years ago, the co-eds thinking he’s a harmless old man, at first, like their grandfathers, until, after enough questions, they begin to think, maybe not so harmless after all, maybe a dirty old pervert actually, and they glance around the bar for a bouncer or a cop, which is why the boys at Deadspin told me, “We’ll have a lawyer on call 24 hours a day in case you need one.”

But what the hell, I’ll do anything for a story, and a check, small as it may be. What did Voltaire say? A friend asked if he’d ever had a homosexual experience. He said, yes, once. The friend said, then you’re a pervert. Voltaire said, no, “Once, a philosopher, twice, a pervert.” Which is why I drove south out of Abbeville, S.C., where I live now, in the up country, on Secession Hill in the Land of Cotton, on March 12, driving over two-lane country roads through Ninety Six and Newberry until I hit I-26 and then I-95 and headed south toward Savannah, Jacksonville, and my Spring Break destination, Daytona Beach. I had rented a white cargo van, stripped of seats in back, like a cave, threw a pillow and mattress on the floor, threw a bottle of Jim Beam Black in my duffel bag, my notebooks, pens and tape recorder in my man bag along with a 9-millimeter CZ 85 semi-automatic pistol with 15 hollow points in the clip and one in the chamber because, as Christian Slater said in True Romance, “It’s better to have a gun and not need it than to need a gun and not have it.” What the hell! I was going to sleep in my van, unless I got rousted by the cops in a motel parking lot at 2 a.m., the cops checking out my CZ, my CWP, then running my ID through their cruiser’s computer, looking for outstanding warrants, priors, coming up with only one — a firearms charge at Fort Lauderdale Airport in the late ’80s, a chickenshit charge, really, but a long story, the third-degree felony knocked down to a misdemeanor, adjudication withheld — and me in the backseat of their cruiser at 2 a.m., my hands cuffed for only the second time in 68 years (OK, third, if you insist on counting that barmaid in my St. Louis hotel room in the ’70s), trying to remember the telephone number of that Deadspin lawyer.