"A New York Treasure" --Village Voice

Welcome to the Hall of Fame, Rusty Kuntz

"Mom, mom, take my picture next to the Rusty Kuntz statue!"

There are many reasons why I should never, ever be allowed to have a Hall of Fame vote.

For one thing, you know I would absolutely vote for players based on whether they had cool or funny names, based entirely on my own personal criteria. Welcome to the Hall, Wayne Terwilliger! I would work to establish a sort of Veteran’s Committee variant to ensure that historic greats like Cletus Elwood “Boots” Poffenburger and Bris “The Human Eyeball” Lord were not forgotten but instead enshrined in their deserved splendor.

I would also probably not be able to resist voting for Don Mattingly and indeed ¬†pretty much any player who spent time on the Yankees roster between 1996 and 2001, not merely undeserving fan favorites like Paul O’Neill, Scott Brosius and Tino Martinez, but also, there’s a good chance, Graeme Lloyd, Chili Davis, Robin Ventura, maybe Brian Boehringer and quite possibly a bunch of players whose names I don’t even remember at this point. Do I really think Scott Brosius let alone Shane Spenser is a Hall of Famer? Of course not, but it’d be nice to do a little something for those guys, you know?

I guess there’s not really a way to throw anyone out of the Hall once they’re in, but I would try to change that and, in the meantime, regularly TP and egg the plaques of Tom Yawkey and Walter O’Malley, also occasionally drawing devil horns and lipstick and goatees on their bronzed faces. Actually, I guess there’s nothing stopping me from doing that now even without a Hall of Fame vote, except the fear of arrest. Little known fact: if you’re a Hall of Fame voter you legally cannot be arrested within Cooperstown city limits. It’s like diplomatic immunity. I’m pretty sure.

In addition, I would try to get the name officially changed to the Hall of Very Good just because it would piss people off so much.

Finally, please note that my complete failure to take the Hall seriously does not mean that I won’t sputter indignantly when the results are announced next week, because I absolutely will, especially if Jack Morris gets elected and Blylevyn does not, and also if I have to read about the Bagwell-steroid-suspicion mishegoss for another damn week. Indignant sputtering is one of life’s little pleasures and every baseball fan’s innate right, and I greatly look forward to it.

Categories:  Baseball  Emma Span  Games We Play  Hall of Fame

Share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter Share via email %PRINT_TEXT

7 comments

1 Chyll Will   ~  Dec 30, 2010 3:16 pm

Clay Bellinger was the sunflower seed of the Yankee bench back in the day...

2 Sliced Bread   ~  Dec 30, 2010 3:46 pm

Bravo, Commissioner Span!

3 The Mick536   ~  Dec 30, 2010 6:05 pm

We need to have a Banter Day at the Hall of Fame. If not, I will post when my SABR group goes. The place will take your breath away, making you forget the politics. We usually have lunch with the librarians and research assistants at Doubleday Field. All subjects are on the table.

4 The Mick536   ~  Dec 30, 2010 8:33 pm

And, my dear Emma, we will walk around the main hall, looking at our heroes and cursing our enemies. We will share our limited recollections, remembering that noone knows it all, though some think they do. We will stop at the plaques of Willie, not Mays, but McCovey, and Bill Maz. We will remember that the Yankees of 1961 should have won that one and that the Yankees of 1962 maybe should have not won that one. Reasonable minds could disagree. Then we would remember Ralph Terry, a big Yankee whom time has forgotten. Damn. Think about all the stuff that you know that I don't. Then, we could meet with the rest of the group, go out to a wonderful dinner, have a few drinks and talk baseball. That is what the HoF be about.

5 Bruce Markusen   ~  Dec 30, 2010 9:57 pm

Let me know when you're all coming up!

Some background on the photo that Emma posted: it's from sometime in the mid-1990s, when the plaque gallery was expanded and the two statues of Ruth and Williams were placed there. The two kids are children of Hall of Fame staff members. They should be in college right about now. Good memories.

6 thelarmis   ~  Dec 30, 2010 11:50 pm

[1] damn you - that was the *first* name i thought of when i read emma's awesome post! of course, you nabbed it in the leadoff spot... : p

yeah, get rid of tony perez & jim rice, for starters...and put Rock Raines in, dammit!!!

and, if we're talkin' cool names - Oddibe McDowell has to be a first ballot, inner circle Hall of Namer!!!

7 Chyll Will   ~  Dec 31, 2010 2:24 am

[6] Candy Maldonado!

feed Share on Facebook Share on Twitter Share via email
"This ain't football. We do this every day."
--Earl Weaver