In the latest issue of Playboy, Pat Jordan profiles Billy Mays, the famous TV pitchman who died just a few days ago. It’s a snapshot of a profile but a fun, quick read.
Mays is the most famous pitchman in the world. His pitches are seen on TV in 57 foreign countries and dubbed in Chinese, Japanese, French, Italian, German, whatever. The media call him ubiq-uitous, with his swept-back black hair and full black beard he touches up “by drinking only dark whiskey”—da-dum! You’ve seen him on TV, leaping out of the screen at three A.M., just before you doze off, snap- ping you awake with his screeching voice. “Hi, I’m Billy Mays, here for OxiClean!” or KaBOOM!, Mighty Putty, Hercules Hook, Awesome Auger, Zorbeez, whatever. Mays sells them all: gadgets that stick harder than any glue, dig up weeds, hold up a 50-pound gilt-framed mirror (assuming you have a 50-pound gilt-framed mirror)—so many gadgets you never thought you needed, never even thought existed until Mays went into his pitch. A 30-second pitch, never more than two minutes—a short con—screaming at you, “Watch this! I get so excited! I gotta tell you something! Buy it right now!” So you call the toll-free number, give a strange voice your credit-card information and then get a package in the mail, stare at its con tents—a gadget, a product—and wonder, Why did I buy this? But what the hell, it was only $19.95. It’s always $19.95. That’s Mays’s secret.
“It’s gotta be under $20,” Mays says. He shrugs. “I don’t know. That’s the magic number.” It also has to be an unknown item that can’t be purchased in a store, that can be seen and purchased only on TV and that appeals to a mass audience of do-it-yourselfers. Mays gets his satisfaction from sheer quantity. “I want to sell billions of things,” he says. And he has, which has made him rich (three Bentleys, million-dollar homes) and famous. There are websites devoted to either loving or hating Billy Mays. He shrugs again and says, “There’s a fine line between love and hate.” One website is dedicated to fans who want to have his baby, though most of those fans are gay men who like so-called hairy bears. They call him “one of the hottest bears on the market” and beg to be able to “boff that bear.” His haters refer to him as “an asinine piece of shit,” “a public nuisance” and an asshole. One fan says Billy Mays is his idol because he’s “so obnoxious that he’s cool” and can sell “dick to a dyke,” tap water from your own sink. A $5 bill for four easy payments of $19.95, plus shipping and handling.
“It’s all about trust,” says Mays. “I stay true to the pitch. I’m not a salesman. A salesman sells a product; a pitchman sells himself. I make people believe they have to own it.” He smiles and says, “Life’s a pitch, then you buy.”
Has anyone ever bought the any of the stuff he sold? I thought about it once or twice, but when they start offering six widgets for the price of one, I become more than a little skeptical about the quality of the products. As the saying goes, if it's too good to be true, it probably is.
Can you tell me where you got that image? It's a cool way to render faces.
he was even doing some stuff for espn
i'm sorry, and am not trying to be disrespectful, but "boff that bear" is one of the funniest, yet most disturbing things i have heard in reference to him
Bum, I did a google image search and found it there. Actually, there were a lot of good shots to choose from, but this one just jumped out at me.
@ 4
Thanks. I can see why. Reminds me of the Wall St. Journal faces, but much better.
[3] I was watching a college football game in which he was on the sidelines doing some ESPN tie-in and my 5 year-old nephew blurted out, "oh, Billy Mays". I think that pretty much sums up how universal he had become.
With Mays deceased and Vince (of shamwow fame) disgraced, I wonder who will fill the TV pitchman void.
By the way, that's a great title for this post. Almost as clever as the old Newsday slogan: "On Top of the News and Ahead of the Times".
[6] There seem to be a lot of fungible TV hucksters with English accents.
Personally, I would prefer very hot women.
[8]
Given my current age, I know tons of menopausal women for ya' ....
@ 9
Nice. I love them hot and menopausal.
I agree with Bum, that is really cool rendering. In fact, it fits really well with the page stylings; almost as if he were at this moment pitching Bronx Banter.
I was actually tickled by the E@#$ pitch; it was practically self-parody (and I have to admit their SportsCenter commercials are generally funny.) That's what made him so good at it, he was hi-energy and confident without being a major distraction. He got behind the product and pushed it into the light, without trying to be the product himself. Pitchmen are supposed to be loud and intrusive, otherwise no one would give two shyts about the products they were selling. But he wasn't smarmy and obnoxious, he was like an overgrown kid excited about some new discovery; like he just found it and was calling his friends over to see it. His qualities on screen were positive and friendly, two great aspects to have when selling anything.
As you would expect, already the infomercial biz is trying to find his replacement, but I doubt anyone we currently know of can fill the void (the ShamWow Guy kinda blew his chance a little while ago).
Serious question, who would you say are the top five TV pitchmen of all-time?
[6] Uh-oh, great minds thinking alike, better duck or we'll all get blown to bits by Banter shrapnel! >;)
[8] I immediately thought of the Geiko gecko, but I'm certain he's Australian...
Billy held the door open for me as I was walking into a men's room in Miami and he was walking out last March...he was a true gentleman and will be missed.
The next night at another bar I saw Vince Neil, he wasn't quite as etiquette-conscious.
[11] Ron Popeil would have to be #1.
[13] Were you at a pitchman's convention?
We buy Oxi Clean at our local grocery store. It does work very well in addition to detergent!
: )
[15]
"How much would YOU pay to have your product pitched to millions of couch potatoes? $50,000 ... $25,000 .... try $10,000. That's right, for a mere $10,000 I'll tape a 30-second commercial for your product, and provide you with eight full hours of my talent in front of the camera ... But wait, there's more .... cause if you act within the next 2 days of this convention, I'll throw in an answering machine outgoing message with MY voice for your own office use. Imagine the kind of response you'll get from potential customers!"
(smile)
[17] Where do I sign up!
[17] I believe the worst thing about Mays' death is we all will now endure more Offer "Vince" Shlomi...
Lord help us!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UWRyj5cHIQA
: )
[19] I don't think we'll be hearing from Vince anymore, as both Chyll and I alluded to in previous posts. I don't recall the exact details, but I believe he was recently arrested for not only soliciting prostitution, but also beating up his lady friend of the evening (Vince wound up almost having his tongue bitten off). Then, a few weeks later, he was in a head-on car crash.
In other words, I don't expect too many products to be lining up at Vince door.
Mondesi's House is a Pittsburgh Blog that had a spot up of Mays going through a McD's drive through doing his shtick. It's pretty funny. By the time he gets to the 2nd window to get his food, half the employees are there to see if it's really him. If I understood that tag deal-e-o I'd put in in red. : ?
[21] Here it is on Youtube.
"can sell “dick to a dyke,” tap water from your own sink."
A lot of the high priced bottled water does come from municipalities water supply. They are true con men. Billy Mays at least gave us entertainment along with his huckserism.