"A New York Treasure" --Village Voice

The Art of Fiction is Dead: Seven Minutes of Madness

The Yanks jumped all over David Price last night. Slapped him silly. Mark Teixeira hit two dingers, including a grand slam and the Bombers led 7-0 and were cruising. You could practically hear a pin drop at the Trop. The Rays had nothing, they were done, even though the Yankees trotted out thirty-six pitchers. Then in the eighth, the Rays scored six runs, capped by a three-run shot by Evan Longoria. A final, noble gasp, right?

Cory Wade retired the first two men in the ninth, had pinch-hitter Dan Johnson down to his last strike, and then the sombitch hit a line drive home run to tie it. And that’s the truth.

Enter Scott Proctor. Now, it’s not what you think. Proctor got the final out in the ninth and made it through the tenth and eleventh. The Yanks had runners on first and third with one out in the top of the twelfth and couldn’t score. Then, at 11:59 p.m., after he’d struck out the first two men in the ninth and given up a double, Jonathan Paplebon, one strike away from a win, gave up a game-tying double. That was followed two minutes later by another hit from the man whose name will be burned into Red Sox Nation’s collective memories forever–Robert Andino. Little fly ball to left, Carl Crawford charged, had it, and then it popped out of his glove. And the winning run scored.

The crowd at the Trop went nuts when they heard the news. Proctor had to step off the mound. No matter what happened, there was something noble about the way Proctor performed. He was the last guy out there. Maybe if the Yanks got the lead, someone else would come in but so long as the game remained tied, it was Proctor’s game, Proctor–there to lose it. And he toughed it out. It was his best performance since rejoining the team.

He got the first out and had two strikes on Longoria before the best player on the Rays hit a low line drive down the left field line. Was it fair? It was. And just over the wall. The times was 12:06 a.m.

My goodness. The art of fiction, dead, for sure.

What a finish.

The Tigers won and so did the Rangers so the Yanks will play the ALDS against the Tigers. Tough match-up. Should be fun.

[Photo Credit: Fur Affinity]

Categories:  1: Featured  Bronx Banter  Game Recap  Yankees

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1 cult of basebaal   ~  Sep 29, 2011 12:16 am

GO C-RAYS-E Tampa, you earned it.

Well, the 15,000 or so folks who stuck around until the 8th did.

Tonight was madness, pure exhilarating madness.

2 jjmerlock   ~  Sep 29, 2011 12:17 am

With apologies for carrying this over, but as one of the white-hottest Asshole Nation haters in these parts, I'm full of (albeit confused, complicated, mixed emotions, and yet a purity to the spite part of this mixture) glee.


1) I surprisingly found this series no fun at all. Possibly the weirdest series I've ever been a fan during in my lifetime.

2) Hate that some of our parts we need/may need were the Rays' path to victory. Another HR from Wade? Ugh.


The Rays are ridiculously dangerous, with the last two nights of important BP pieces of ours getting nicked I'm even less happy to be facing the Tigers in a 5 game series, but FUCK BOSTON.

Turmoil for them. Doucheface completing the collapse?

And here's what I've been holding back. Those ASSHOLES - those chuffed up, transparent, disgraceful fanboys at BSPN - THIS IS KARMA, BITCHES, FOR YOUR DISGRACEFUL ESPN THE MAG COVER.

Sorry, that one did it. I couldn't do anything but want your death with a hot, fiery passion. BSPN dropped the last piece of negligee covering the charade? Well, enjoy the shit sandwich. Everyone else is Loser City? NO, no massholes. You guys still choke with the styliest style of all. HA HA HA HA HA!

3 RIYank   ~  Sep 29, 2011 12:17 am

My God.

I had to get off line. And I planned to go to bed as soon as both games were over.

But, just had to check in -- WOW. What a finish.

Not ideal -- I wish the Yanks had won. But this is the second-best outcome tonight.

Old Yankee Fan and Shawn and other New England-based Yankee fans, have a very fun day tomorrow! We're allowed to spend our off day bathing in Schadenfreude. Then it's time to get serious again.

4 Mr OK Jazz Tokyo   ~  Sep 29, 2011 12:21 am

[2] What is the magazine you are referring to?

[3] I'm refraining from sending out mails to Sox friends here now..no need. Just let 2011 replace 2004 from now on EVERY SINGLE TIME Fox shows the late season standings.

5 Alex Belth   ~  Sep 29, 2011 12:25 am

3) Be the bigger man. Save the torture for later. No need to rub it in now. Yanks have Verlander and company to worry about.

6 RIYank   ~  Sep 29, 2011 12:27 am

[4]And the ones I know are going to be beating up on their guys worse than I could, anyway. Every third word out of their mouths is "chokers". The team has no haht. They're ovah paid spoiled babies, they're everything we used to hate the Yankees for being. We have to tear this whole fucking team apart and staht from scratch.

I'll just nod and smile. Sympathetically, of course.

Jacoby Ellsbury: no mvp for you! Your team is a loser team!

7 RIYank   ~  Sep 29, 2011 12:27 am

[5] No, as I just explained, I will not administer the torture. I will only watch and listen.

8 Mattpat11   ~  Sep 29, 2011 12:28 am

Greatest night of baseball I've ever seen

9 kenboyer made me cry   ~  Sep 29, 2011 12:31 am

[8] The Scrubs of NY gave up a 7 run lead. Exciting night of baseball, yes. Greatest night of baseball...not really.

10 Mr OK Jazz Tokyo   ~  Sep 29, 2011 12:32 am

[8] Man, just amazing. Glad it's only 1:30pm here, no idea how you guys would all sleep now..perhaps adult beverages would be necessary!

11 Mattpat11   ~  Sep 29, 2011 12:33 am

[9] Those three games at the same time on the last day of the year is some of the best baseball drama I've ever seen

12 jjmerlock   ~  Sep 29, 2011 12:48 am

[4] Cover of ESPN the MAG.

Also plastered BOSTON IS WINNER CITY or some shit on not only the print edition, but on the front page of the website.

It was so over the top, and also such a shocking move to remove any artifice of ESPN not being Red Sox slappies, that you just had to know something truly appropriate was about to happen.

Indulging in spite is not exactly a great high holy days sentiment, but the OLD Testament IS about justice and whatnot.

13 OldYanksFan   ~  Sep 29, 2011 12:50 am

The Sox are now the owner of the biggest choke in MLB history. Not 1 game of suckitude... or 4 (2004)... or 5 (The Boston Massacre)... but an entire month of previously undefined suckitude.

The FIRST team in the history of baseball to blow a 9 game lead in September.

Congratulations to Boston and it's fans.

P.S. A friend came over when the Yanks were up 6-0, and the Sox up 3-2.
I just checked out the ESPN website a minute ago, to finalize the bad news that Boston backed into the playoffs.
IMAGINE MY SURPRISE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Again.... congrats to the Massholes!

14 kenboyer made me cry   ~  Sep 29, 2011 12:57 am

Wow, I just saw Papelbon interviewed by beat reporters on MLB. He seems permanently brain damaged from the experience. He was devastated, could not put more than two words together.

15 a.O   ~  Sep 29, 2011 12:58 am

[2, 6] I'm so glad I don't live anywhere close to New England. Those shitheads are awful out West, so I can only imagine the obnoxiousness so much closer to Douchachusetts. It's going to be a fun off-season, especially next time I see some dumbass wearing a Boston hat walk into the New York pizza place here. Hope ya don't choke, I know you types have a problem with that. FUCK BOSTON.

16 thelarmis   ~  Sep 29, 2011 1:00 am

[14] i don't feel the slightest bit of sympathy for that fuckface. and i'm an empathic guy...

17 a.O   ~  Sep 29, 2011 1:00 am

[14] That will teach him to ever compare himself to Mo again.

18 thelarmis   ~  Sep 29, 2011 1:01 am

the only person i will taunt is my ex. she's back living in enemy territory. that'll be fun! : )

19 thelarmis   ~  Sep 29, 2011 1:02 am

that collapse - of epic proportions - couldn't have happened to a scummier team!

20 Mr OK Jazz Tokyo   ~  Sep 29, 2011 1:05 am

[12] Wow, I missed that one (thankfully). Usually skip straight to the MLB page.

[19] Biggest collapse ever. CAN NOT WAIT to see FOX next year show the standings and then say "well, as we saw last year with Boston and Atlanta, not even a NINE GAME LEAD is safe.." :)

21 kenboyer made me cry   ~  Sep 29, 2011 1:05 am

[16] Could be his last game as a Red Sock. I can tell you're an empathic guy, and he grates me to no end too. But he looked more than broken hearted, maybe heavily sedated?

23 thelarmis   ~  Sep 29, 2011 1:09 am

[20] yes, i only go to the mlb homepage. it's one of my automatic browsers...

[21] he can suck it! ; )

[22] FJM was teh awesome!

24 Mr OK Jazz Tokyo   ~  Sep 29, 2011 1:12 am

Ortiz: '03 loss to Yankees not even close to as bad as this yr. This is worse. Not even close.

25 Mr OK Jazz Tokyo   ~  Sep 29, 2011 1:13 am

[23] Loved those guys, even if all of them were Sox fans. But check out that graph, hysterical!!

thelarmis, less than 3-hours til Guinness O'Clock, big company party today and day off tomorrow!

26 cult of basebaal   ~  Sep 29, 2011 1:14 am

[22] That's awesome.

27 thelarmis   ~  Sep 29, 2011 1:15 am

mazel tov, everyone!

l'shana tova!

laila tov

28 a.O   ~  Sep 29, 2011 1:16 am

ESPN.com: "Curse of the Andino?" LOL

29 Mr OK Jazz Tokyo   ~  Sep 29, 2011 1:18 am

[27] Kul 'am wa enta bi-khair! back atcha! :)

30 Mr OK Jazz Tokyo   ~  Sep 29, 2011 1:20 am

[28] Brilliant. I'm still buzzing and I only caught all this on mlb.com Gameday. Going to be great to watch all the highlights tomorrow morning.

31 cult of basebaal   ~  Sep 29, 2011 1:23 am

X-Rays on Montero's hand came back negative.


32 a.O   ~  Sep 29, 2011 1:25 am

[30] The best one has got to be the ball popping out of Crawford's glove followed by the frantic crappy throw plateward. Hope I don't spoil it for you!

33 a.O   ~  Sep 29, 2011 1:28 am

Andino: “End of season like this, [to] make Boston go home sad, crying, I’ll take it all day.”

34 OldYanksFan   ~  Sep 29, 2011 1:37 am

Oh my God.
This has caused an international incident!

35 Mr OK Jazz Tokyo   ~  Sep 29, 2011 1:40 am

[32] Oh no, will be watching those highlights all day.
[33] YES!! Robert Fuckin Andino, you've now entered baseball history.

36 monkeypants   ~  Sep 29, 2011 6:46 am

You all know that I rather traditional when it comes to baseball. I don't like the wild card, and I certainly don't approve of expanding the wild card next season. That said, these last few games may have changed my mind. I mean, if the greatest team since the 1927 Yankees fails to make the playoffs, then there is a problem with the system, right?

37 RIYank   ~  Sep 29, 2011 7:02 am

[36]Yeah, but the way it's broke is my kinda broke.

38 Simone   ~  Sep 29, 2011 8:26 am

I confess to falling asleep in the Yankees/Rays 9th inning so I woke up this morning to the shocking news of the Yankees and Red Sox losses.

Schadenfreude all the way, baby! I'll never forget the obnoxious glee of the Red Sox fans when the Yankees collapsed in the 2004 ALCS. I don't think that this collapse is as painful, but I take joy in the suffering of the Red Sox fans this time around.

So the Yankees play Detroit next. I'll miss the usual Twins ALDS beat down.

Let's go, Yankees!

39 rbj   ~  Sep 29, 2011 8:43 am

Wait, what happened? Yankees up 7-0, no life in the Rays, so I switch back and forth with Mythbusters, then go to bed and what the hell happens?

Though of course I did predict Proctor would spit the bit. Not yet time for schadenfreude, I'm still trying to figure out what happened.

40 Sliced Bread   ~  Sep 29, 2011 9:02 am

I think a playoff collapse (uch, 2004) is worse than a skid that knocks you out of the playoffs.
I mean, I suppose it's better to have made the playoffs, but to drop the series like we did... man, I don't think there's anything worse than that.
But I'm pleased to see the Sox out of it. They do suck.
I said at the start of the season that the Yanks and Rays would make the playoffs. I wasn't confident about our pitching, but I just thought we'd be better than the rest, and we were by a few games.
This team has some fight in it. That's a good thing.
We've got a fighter's chance of winning #28. It's a very good day.

41 Chyll Will   ~  Sep 29, 2011 9:06 am

This time, rbj, it wasn't really Proctor's fault. Girardi left him in there like it was The Alamo and he was noble in defeat. I got the impression tho that Joe was deliberately trying to throw the game given Proctor's proclivity for blowing leads when handed to him, but got exposed by his unexpected effectiveness. Not that anyone was looking because the Ded Sox lost, but still I'd hate for my team to be that vindictive if it were true. Would've liked to see TB and Boston settle it btw themselves, because the Yanks have to go in thinking they'll annihilate anyone in their way. I just don't see that right now.

Simone, there are no Twins to beat down; life beat them down by mid-season. We'll have to settle for Detroit, and by settle I mean I hope Leyland keeps his promise and pitches Vermangler once and only once.

42 Simone   ~  Sep 29, 2011 9:14 am

When I was watching highlights of the Orioles' win, I noticed how they celebrated like they had won the World Series. I could not help, but think how pathetic that was even as I was laughing my butt off.

43 Boatzilla   ~  Sep 29, 2011 9:26 am

[34] "Get me a cowbell." Fucking hilarious. I never get tire of those. Every time I laugh out loud.

44 RIYank   ~  Sep 29, 2011 9:26 am

[41] Joe left Proctor in because his only alternatives were Mo, So, and D-Rob, and those guys have to be fully rested when Detroit comes to town. He definitely was not throwing the game, but he wasn't going to harm the Yankees' chances in games that matter just to make things sporting. Good for Joe.

45 BobbyB   ~  Sep 29, 2011 9:30 am

I don't like being swept by the Rays on the last series of the year. a Boston-Rays playoff with a Rays victory would have been a nicer way to send the Deadsox into the long winter.

46 rbj   ~  Sep 29, 2011 9:40 am

[41] Yeah, it's not a knock on Proctor based upon what he did last night.

47 Jon DeRosa   ~  Sep 29, 2011 9:45 am

Holy shit. Had to wait to now to find this out. Feels icky.

48 Shaun P.   ~  Sep 29, 2011 11:17 am

And people say there's a better sport than baseball. Bah!

[3] There's a little less "end of the universe glumness" than there was in 2003. I have heard "They didn't deserve it and besides, the B's start next week!" or some variation thereof more times than I can count this morning.

Still, all the talk about how Francona MUST be fired is rather interesting. Its all amusing to watch. Sox fans have not forgotten how to be Sox fans after all.

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"This ain't football. We do this every day."
--Earl Weaver