"A New York Treasure" --Village Voice

How I Learned to Pee Straight

As I’ve previously mentioned, I’m anxious about peeing in public restrooms. Have been ever since I was a kid. About ten years ago, though, I was hanging out with my friend Steve Stein, aka Steinski, at his studio/office in Manhattan. At one point, I told him I had to take a leak and as I stood up, he walked by me and said that he had to relieve himself too. Awww, man, I thought. The men’s room down the corridor from his office was made up of two cramped stalls and a small sink. There was no place to hide, not enough room to pretend that my non-peeing was actually just a subtle stream that was tapping on the side of the bowl away from the water. I was stuck. Stein, of course, was oblivious to my dilemma and he continued our conversation in his soothing, New York accent. I was thrilled and delighted to discover that as we chatted, I had no problems peeing. The next time the situation came up, same result. Why Stein I don’t know, but I took it as a sign that a deep comfort existed between us. Eventually, I told him as much.

But that was it. Stein was the exception to the rule. It wasn’t until a few months ago that it occurred to me to think about Stein standing in the stall next me, carrying on a conversation, when I was in a public restroom without him. Well, wouldn’t you know it, my Jedi mind trick works! While I have not tested myself in a jam-packed bathroom during the late innings of a ballgame, I’m now been able to pee in public restrooms. All thanks to Stein. It’s a minor thing in life, but for me, it feels major. So much so that I called Stein to thank him. He sent me an e-mail the next day, “I’m wildly flattered that I’m in your thoughts when your schlong is in your hand.”

Point is, if I can learn to pee straight, the Yankees can figure out a way to beat the Tigers, who have a formidable line-up of course, but who have underachieved even more than the Yanks have this year. I mean, how frustrating have these four loses to the Tigers been? C’mon already. Cliff hipped me to a bit Kevin Goldstein wrote about today’s starter, Darrell Rasner over at Baseball Prospectus:

With Ian Kennedy’s minor case of the yips and Philip Hughes’ continued struggles, Rasner might suddenly be a surprisingly important part of the Yankees’ 2008 season. That said, he also just might be up to the task, because he was totally dealing at Triple-A, allowing just 18 hits and six walks in 31 innings. He’s a classic sinker/slider type with plus command, and while at 27 he’s already at his ceiling as a back-end starter, he delivered six quality innings in his first big league start of the year, and should be able to provide that more often than not throughout the season.

Let’s hope Rasner can make it two-in-a-row this afternoon. The offense needs to score him some runs.

Let’s Go Yan-Kees.

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"This ain't football. We do this every day."
--Earl Weaver