"A New York Treasure" --Village Voice

I’m Only Sleeping

snow

Earlier this winter I walked through a snowy Central Park. When I got to the Great Lawn, I stopped to look at the baseball diamonds. There is something tranquil and comforting about seeing a field covered in white. They need the rest and look protected underneath all the snow. The absence of activity–knowing that the fields will be lush green, dirt kicking up, voices yelling, come the summer–is reassuring. I hung out for a few minutes and gazed out over the fields. I wondered what it must be like living down South or out West where baseball is played year-round.

At Todd’s memorial service this past Sunday we learned that Todd, who grew up in Syracuse, loved the snow almost as much as he loved baseball. It snowed on Sunday and then again on Monday.

I stared out of my apartment window at the thick flakes and thought about him. I can’t get him out of my mind.  And I can’t muster up any enthusiasm for baseball at the moment.  It will be here soon (though not soon enough for some).  But right now, I don’t miss baseball. I miss Todd.

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21 comments

1 FreddySez   ~  Jan 21, 2009 5:12 pm

We're not even that far south (NC) and we practice sporadically all through the offseason. Sure miss Central Park though.

To everyone who knew Todd in person, condolences from someone who knew him only in print. Even from that perspective the loss stings.

2 Max   ~  Jan 21, 2009 5:50 pm

I found myself thinking about Todd when watching the inauguration...without injecting politics in here, I really felt that someone who constantly demonstrated compassion and a concern for justice in every one of his posts would have loved seeing what transpired on January 20th. It's the first time I really found myself missing him -- so selfish of me to look forward to opening up my reader in the morning expecting an eloquent post from him, and feeling his absence acutely.

3 Mr. OK Jazz TOKYO   ~  Jan 21, 2009 8:25 pm

Very nice post, Alex. Perhaps taking your mind off things by manufacturing outrage at a meaningless article will help? One of the few things that works for me as a distraction...from some idiot on ESPN.com (I know, why do i bother??) on the Steelers being the best franchise in sports..some people just don't get it. The Yankees have never "bought" a championship, such an absurd argument that continues to be recycled again and again and again..

"The stats definitely favor the Yankees, I know. In fact, the numbers are nearly impossible to argue: They've got a gazillion titles (26) in 109 years, but nothing since 2000. The Steelers could have six in the past 43, giving them 14 percent of their sport's titles as compared to 24 percent for the Yanks. I could go on with this, but the truth is math gives me a headache. So let me say this: You can't buy titles in football the way you can on the diamond. Therefore extreme parity in the NFL, plus the economic constraints of a hard salary cap, make it (at least) twice as hard to win Lombardi trophies."

4 Chyll Will   ~  Jan 21, 2009 8:54 pm

[3] Didn't do it for me, Jazz. I just feel sorry for people who repeat the same tired and thoroughly debunked argument because they have nothing original to say.

I have an idea that may keep us productive and be cathartic in a way. Check out my site; I have a little tribute up for Todd, and I linked to my Banter comment from days before which listed a number of Youtube videos of songs in tribute to Todd here. I know between you and thelarmis that you guys can come up with a ton of tribute tracks, as well as everyone here; we could make it a nice present to Ms. Drew and family from the Banter in honor of Todd. All we need is a list...

5 Mr. OK Jazz TOKYO   ~  Jan 21, 2009 9:11 pm

[4] Indeed, I need to find better morning-coffee-at-work baseball reading other than ESPN..but they Are great for hoops coverage.

That's a great idea, I'll check your blog out and make some suggestions there?? I remember a college friend who passed away, his girlfriend said he was listening to Van Morrison's "Astral Weeks" in bed before going to sleep..he didn't wake up that morning..can only hope he let Van take him into the mystic..

6 Chyll Will   ~  Jan 21, 2009 9:20 pm

[5] Good idea; if we have enough suggestions, I'll either post them here or send them to Alex and Cliff and maybe they'd like to do something further. Or not. I know links are cuaght up in filters here and may take a little while to get through, and I imagine they wouldn't have much time to dedicate to a project like that, not that they wouldn't want to...

hmm, now I'll have to listen to that one... carefully...

7 Mr. OK Jazz TOKYO   ~  Jan 21, 2009 10:10 pm

see your blog..

Van Morrison..few were more intense than him. "Astral Weeks" is one of those "all-time top 10" albums whose charms are elusive at first, but once they suck you in you'll be a fan forever. Think about "Kind of Blue" and the first time you heard it, compared to the 100th time..it's mysteries open up and you begin to really appreciate and love it.. kind of like John Sterling's homer call! :)

8 thelarmis   ~  Jan 21, 2009 11:25 pm

[0] thanks for that, alex. i've been missing todd a great deal. i think about him constantly. i'm trying to use the perspective/life is short/no guarantees things to spur me into a tough decision. i'm not a big risk taker and this would be a huge leap for me, but i think i have to do it. at least, at some point soon.

i do miss baseball, and as todd so eloquently said, "baseball helps me forget and it makes me remember." well, i'll NEVER forget todd drew and i will always miss him.

[10] i can absolutely remember the first time i listened to Kind Of Blue. that album wasn't as life altering for me as it is to the general masses, but i remember it nonetheless...

i'll read chyll's blog post soon...

9 Diane Firstman   ~  Jan 21, 2009 11:31 pm

Ah ... Van Morrison .... his early work .... just mind-blowingly good ...

St. Dominic's Preview
Tupelo Honey
You're My Woman

10 Diane Firstman   ~  Jan 21, 2009 11:34 pm

I'm 45 .... and my mom hawked me for years to do my Living Will (Health Care Proxy) and Will. I resisted ... didn't want to contemplate death ...

Then Todd disappeared from our world within 2 months ....

I created my Living Will and Will Saturday morning, at 6am ... as I was laying awake unable to go back to sleep.

11 Mr. OK Jazz TOKYO   ~  Jan 22, 2009 12:09 am

[9] St. Dominic's Preview..I remember hearing "LIsten to the Lion" for the first time and being blown away..who sings like that??? incredibly intense stuff, and great live versions on "It's Too Late To Stop Now".."Tupelo Honey" is love burned to wax!

baseball news..Paders signed catcher Henry Blanco for $750,000...yawn...how many days till P&C report??

12 thelarmis   ~  Jan 22, 2009 12:23 am

[11] jeff kent retired. hall of famer? i think he is...

13 Mr. OK Jazz TOKYO   ~  Jan 22, 2009 12:32 am

[11] Definately. Roberto Alomar too, at 2B.. Cano will join them one day??

hey thelarmis, absolutely VICIOUS parody of Peter Gammons at No Maas today..I laughed even as I sternly rejected such offensive material!

14 thelarmis   ~  Jan 22, 2009 12:40 am

[13] yeah, kent and alomar should be in, no doubt. who knows about cano. what about bobbie grich?!?! then again, i'm not a fan of the fact that he punched his ex-wife in the face in 2005. yikes!!!

i had 2 more posts to read at pete abe before i headed over to nomaas, but i just checked and that's pretty hilarious! i like the "deaf in one eye" bit. i wasn't a fan of the "3rd stroke in one day" bit though, that was a bit disingenuous after the brain aneurysm. lotsa funny shit there though! i miss the FJM crew...

and speaking of new albums: peter gammons really sucks at singing and playing the guitar!!! jeesh...

15 thelarmis   ~  Jan 22, 2009 12:42 am

mets/yanks frontrunners for freddy garcia. huh. he'd have to shave that outline of a beard! ken rosenthal said that pettitte is not fielding offers from the 'stros and the yanks were a likely bet. we'll see, but i do think we should bring andy back for the year...

16 Mr. OK Jazz TOKYO   ~  Jan 22, 2009 12:50 am

[14] Punched his ex-wife?? that's awful..baseball players seem to get a free pass on shit like that (Brett Myers for example)..or should I say "certain" baseball players..ahem...

Gammons' style of blues-rock is not my thing so never really listened to carefully. It's sad though, from what people say he was THE baseball writer in the 70s and 80s..but today..kind of like Peter Vecsey for me, age hasn't done them well!

[15] Is it really worth going after Freddy Garcia?? I really wish they would sort out CF once and for all first...

17 thelarmis   ~  Jan 22, 2009 12:56 am

[16] you can see the headlines if you google it. made me too sick to actually read the articles about the incident. i think the worst one (of recent memory), was bobby chiounard, who pitched for the snakes & rox (iirc). it was x-mas, or something, and he threatened her w/ a gun to her face to leave a party to get him another 6-pack of beer. something to that effect. absolutely sickening. and the universe decides to take todd drew from us. NO justice... : (

yeah, gammons used to be terrific and i dug him. his homerism for the shit sox is completely and utterly nauseating. he should be ashamed of himself.

i wanted beltran for CF really badly a few years ago... i still think we should bring back andy, though our payroll is pretty ridiculous...

18 thelarmis   ~  Jan 22, 2009 12:58 am

jeff kent had 984 XBH.

19 thelarmis   ~  Jan 22, 2009 1:18 am

[17] beltran, has 275 career steals. has only been caught 37 times. that's right - THIRTY-SEVEN times!!!

20 Mr. OK Jazz TOKYO   ~  Jan 22, 2009 1:55 am

[18] [19] both those stats are amazing..Kent was a great player (and all-time hard-ass from the sounds of it). Why exactly did the Amazin's get rid of him??

I don't like thinking of Beltran playing CF at the Stadium, makes me too sad...

Andy P...agreed. but hey, if he doesn't sign I'm sure we can trade for Shawn Chacon? :)

21 LAJ   ~  Jan 22, 2009 3:50 pm

Alex: Me too. I think talking (typing) about it helps though. At the risk of sounding like a kid, won't it will always be alright to make reference to him & to make reference to the fact that many are (& will continue to be) thinking of him as April grows closer & baseball accelerates into the front of our consciousness? Not just '09 either, but in seasons yet to come? I keep thinking that many of us are seeking thoughts, conversations, and references to Todd when we bump around the NYY (cyber) Universe; I know I am.
To that end, I keep going back to Yankees for Justice; I keep thinking Mrs Drew may post or something. Re-reading Todd's work both salves the wound but reawakens the hurt of his absence. I really miss his writing.

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"This ain't football. We do this every day."
--Earl Weaver