"A New York Treasure" --Village Voice

New York Minute

I love legitimate theater.

Would a ticket to a night of one-acts inspired by Derek Jeter constitute the greatest gag gift ever given to a Red Sox fan?

I see a tough girl from the Bronx with a huge crush on Jeter. Her lumpy boyfriend, who is sweet but dim, takes her to a game for her birthday. Bleachers of course. He proposes at the game, fans jeer. And her answer is…?

Or a couple of low-lifes drink beer in a dark apartment working up the courage to go out and rob a convenience store. The ballgame is on in the background as they alternate between bickering and goading. The game turns dramatic, Derek Jeter sends it to extra innings with a clutch hit. Do the guys still commit the crime?

What do you see?


1 Chyll Will   ~  Aug 25, 2011 3:58 pm

I like that second one. Perhaps they go to rob the convenience store, but the game is on the tv set or radio and they get caught up in the game as DJ is about to be heroic. Does that happen before they hold up the store, during the hold-up or after? Hmmm...

2 RagingTartabull   ~  Aug 25, 2011 4:03 pm

Four NYC fire fighters taking a break from digging at Ground Zero as Game 4 of the 2001 World Series plays on a radio in the background.

Boom...write that shit David Mamet.

3 Alex Belth   ~  Aug 25, 2011 4:06 pm

A guy and a girl in Gravesend, Brooklyn, making out, stumbling through losing their virginity in the guy's parents' living room. Awkward "Last Picture Show" style. Yankee game on. After a while, they just stop with the weirdness and watch Jeter hit.

4 Jon DeRosa   ~  Aug 25, 2011 4:37 pm

Derek Jeter's parents get in argument about his defense. His mom is starting to be swayed by the avalanche of statistical evidence; his dad just can see it.

5 Mrs. Peterson-Kekich   ~  Aug 25, 2011 7:57 pm

A young man (the main character) arrives in New York. He goes to Yankee games every day. Initially, he's disdainful of Jeter, believing it to be "all hype". But, gradually, he comes to appreciate Jeter's unique talents and character and, in the process, experience personal growth and enlightenment.

The main character's name is "Alex Rodriguez."

6 Jon DeRosa   ~  Aug 25, 2011 8:05 pm

[5] And we have a new candidate for Banter's best handle.

7 Yankee Mama   ~  Aug 25, 2011 10:56 pm

A woman with her newborn son is watching a Yankee Game on her 54" television, when she sees her husband sitting behind home plate. He is frozen in position refusing to acknowledge the beautiful woman sitting on his left. He is worried that his wife, the rapid Yankee fan would take notice. It was then, that he jumped up, camera in hand to snap a photo of Jeter's at bat.

8 Jon DeRosa   ~  Aug 26, 2011 10:00 am

In the middle of the worst season of his life, his fiance tries to distract him. Tries to comfort him. Tries to get him to think about his great career and not to obsess about his prolonged slump. He resists, he acts out, he seeks her approval... but then she slips.

She mentions something "Dusty" told her. Derek grows suspicious. He probes. She denies, but he's got her now. It's all been a ruse to destroy the captain and she's been Pedroia's plant all along!

9 weeping for brunnhilde   ~  Aug 26, 2011 10:05 am

Wow, these are all so inspired.

You people awe me.

10 RIYank   ~  Aug 26, 2011 10:54 am

These are superb.
For some reason [7] Yankee Mama's appeals to me the most. I've always liked that kind of short story, the tiny crystal moment that implies a bigger story.

You know who we need right now? Wsporter. Remember him?

11 Dimelo   ~  Aug 26, 2011 1:04 pm

John is home with his girlfriend, Megan, watching game 7 of the ALCS against the Red Sox. His nerves and anxiety are getting the best of him, his girlfriend is relaxed and trying to get him to relax, too. But the score is tied 2 - 2, it is the bottom of the 7th inning and there's one out with runners on 2nd and 3rd. Jeter is coming up to bat, out comes Terry Francona to remove Jon Lester and bring in a righty out of the pen. John proceeds to take another hit from his vaporizer. He's trying to find a way to calm himself down but the chilly smoke from the vaporizer doesn't seem to be helping him this time. Then starts the next Geico commercial, the game and Jeter's at-bat can't come quick enough, his girlfriend touches him, he's no longer flaccid and he has found the formula to rid of him of the anxiety attack. A New York minute is all he needed, 27 seconds to be exact, enough time to hear the ending of the Geico commercial: "...15 minutes could save you 15% on your car insurance".

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"This ain't football. We do this every day."
--Earl Weaver