So here’s my personal list of baseball-related goals for 2009:
1. Stop reading stories about A-Rod and Madonna
It’s either that or stop drinking – I simply can’t afford to keep losing this many brain cells. And every time I click through to Page Six and read about how, say, there may be some tension in the relationship because Alex has been skipping Kabbalah classes (no, really), I lose another chunk of my ever-dwindling self-respect.
This resolution also applies to whoever A-Rod dates after Madonna, and all of Derek Jeter’s myriad starlet flings. Though if Joba starts dating Britney Spears I cannot make any promises.
2. Decide whether or not I believe Pete Rose should be in the Hall
I’ve been waffling on this one for years and years; I intend to get off the fence with a well-supported argument by Spring Training at the latest.
3. Find something interesting about Mark Teixeira
I mean aside from his prodigious on-field skills, of course. There must be something… but I sure haven’t discovered it yet. Dude’s Wikipedia page appears to have been written by Scott Boras.
Also, I only just now realized I’ve been misspelling “Teixeira” for years.
3a. Stop misspelling “Teixeira”
After Mientkiewicz this will be a piece of cake.
4. Sell or pawn whatever is necessary to buy tickets to at least one game at the new Stadium this year
4a. Continue complaining incessently about the cost of everything at the new Stadium
Seriously, nobody should have to chose between a Loge seat to a game against the Orioles plus a beer and a hot dog, or their child’s college education. I’m not getting past this.
5. Watch (even) more Mets
Just because their broadcasting trio of Gary, Keith & Ron is so awesome, and a significant step up from the YES Network’s revolving door of Michael Kay plus the Vaguely Ill-At-Ease Ex-Player of the Day. It’s nothing against Kay, and Ken Singleton is silky smooth, and of course I will always love Paul O’Neill just as deeply as I did when I was 13 (which is to say very, very deeply) — but the Yankees’ booth just doesn’t have the rapport of the Mets’, in part I suspect because it changes so often.
(And yes, Hernandez did make those rather unfortunate remarks a few years back about how women have no place anywhere near a baseball field in a professional capacity — the exact words being, as I recall, “I won’t say that women belong in the kitchen, but they don’t belong in the dugout” — but you know what they say: you are what you love, not what loves you back).
6. Refuse to watch any speech or announcement by Bud Selig lasting more than 90 seconds.
Life is too short. It’s not even what he says, though I have my share of issues with that; it’s the sucking void where his charisma should be. I’ve felt more engaged watching mold grow on broccoli.
Finally, the resolution I’ve been making for years now without discernable success:
7. Learn how to throw a knuckleball.
I practice sometimes when I’m throwing the ball for my dog, but unfortunately my knuckleball still looks remarkably like my changeup. (Even more unfortunately, my curve, slider, and fastball also all look remarkably like my changeup).
Anyone else have any?