"A New York Treasure" --Village Voice

Passing the Time

The postseason schedule is so relaxed, it’s now actually napping. As a result, we’ve got five whole days to kill before the Yankees play again, and while we figure out what to do with ourselves as we wait, I can only assume the players are doing the same. Some uneducated guesses as to how the Yankees are passing the time:

Robinson Cano: Hanging with his cousin Burt Reynolds*, tearing around Texas with a truckload of beer and eluding the sheriff with help from some friendly CBers.

*(No, really. I watched Burt Reynolds play for the Hudson Valley Renegades against the Brooklyn Cyclones this summer with, as you might imagine, considerable glee, and the discovery that he is Robinson Cano’s cousin just absolutely made my day.)

Alex Rodriguez: Sitting for a portrait of himself as a gryffin.

Derek Jeter: Oh, you know. Just chilling.

Andy Pettitte: Carefully planning ahead so that he will have just the right amount of stubble for Game 2 on Saturday.

Jorge Posada: Urinating on his hands a few extra times, spitting a lot, trying to hold his knees together with Fun-Tak, chewing gum, paper clips, and twine.

Nick Swisher: Finally getting that neck tattoo.

Mark Teixeira: Stroking a fluffy white cat and working on his sinister plan for world domination (well, I assume. No one is really that bland).

Joba Chamberlain: Wandering the streets and accosting random strangers to make sure they can see him.

A.J. Burnett: [sitting in front of the mirror]: “I’m going to pitch a great game next week! And I’m gonna help the team! Because I’m good enough, I’m smart enough, and, doggonit, people like me!”

C.C. Sabathia: Watching fit, trim Cliff Lee and David Price as they pitch on absolutely nothing less than full rest, pointing, laughing, having another cheeseburger.

-

Mariano Rivera: Being the speaker. Being the listener. Being the giver. Being the sustainer. Protecting us from the front and back. Protecting us from the north and the south, from above and below. Protecting us from all directions.

 Being full of perfect knowledge of truth and awareness. Being full of bliss and pure consciousness. Being truth, consciousness and bliss. Being the absolute awareness. Being full of supreme wisdom and knowledge.

Being the earth, water, fire, air and the space. Being the root foundation of speech. Being beyond the physical, mental and causal bodies. Being beyond the three aspects of time: past, present and future. Being eternally established in the muladhara chakra. Having three shaktis: action, knowledge and will.

(Griffon via Christian Damm at conceptarg.org, Photo via the AP)

Categories:  Emma Span  Playoffs  Yankees

Share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter Share via email %PRINT_TEXT

30 comments

1 TheGreenMan   ~  Oct 11, 2010 1:35 pm

The Sabathia one cracked us up. Had to read that to my girlfriend. So funny.

By the way, that cat on the top is a dead ringer for one of ours. They are kitty twins.

2 bags   ~  Oct 11, 2010 1:58 pm

hilarious, emma.

3 Alex Belth   ~  Oct 11, 2010 1:59 pm

3) I think Jorge is still catching his breath from the Berkman double, painting his nails for Friday, daydreaming that he can soar like Brett Gardner.

4 Emma Span   ~  Oct 11, 2010 2:01 pm

Anybody got a good one for Gardner or Phil Hughes?

Oh, or Cervelli! There's gotta be a good one for Cervelli. I just imagine him running around and jumping up and down and rocking like a little kid on a massive sugar high...

5 rbj   ~  Oct 11, 2010 2:06 pm

Good stuff Emma.

Brett Gardner is teaming with Dr. Michio Kaku as they work on reverse engineering the space-time continuum.

6 rbj   ~  Oct 11, 2010 2:09 pm

BTW, anyone else catch the Simpsons last night? Funny. When the Simpsons does a whole episode around sabermetrics, you know it's entered the mainstream.

7 Alex Belth   ~  Oct 11, 2010 2:21 pm

Cervellis is doing something fiendish somewhere.

8 Simone   ~  Oct 11, 2010 2:41 pm

Very funny, Emma. I liked the C.C. and Jorge ones the best.

9 Diane Firstman   ~  Oct 11, 2010 2:48 pm

Francisco Cervelli is writing chapter 1 of "Career Back-up Catching Made Easy".

Phil Hughes is standing in front of a lottery machine at a newsstand near the Stadium, spending oodles of money on the number 1-7-5.

Gardner is having his grit resurfaced.

10 thelarmis   ~  Oct 11, 2010 3:03 pm

SHAKTI = creative intelligence, power and beauty.

also, one of the greatest music ensembles ever assembled in the history of the universe. john mclaughlin w/ zakir hussain (and others).

11 seamus   ~  Oct 11, 2010 3:05 pm

[10] and one of the most humble music ensembles apparently... :)

12 seamus   ~  Oct 11, 2010 3:07 pm

[0] great post Emma! I really enjoyed it. How could I not like a call back to smokey and the bandit and a call out to hip-hip pissing on his hands.

13 Emma Span   ~  Oct 11, 2010 3:07 pm

[9] Hee. Nice.

14 seamus   ~  Oct 11, 2010 3:10 pm

[9] i must be feeling slow. what does 1-7-5 represent? I feel like i'm underappreciating that comment because i don't get it. I like the rest of it though. :)

15 Just Fair   ~  Oct 11, 2010 3:13 pm

All goog stuff. : )
Hey, The Simpsons did a sabermetric themed show last night. Pretty funny.

http://www.hulu.com/watch/184048/the-simpsons-moneybart

16 Diane Firstman   ~  Oct 11, 2010 3:22 pm

[14]

his supposed 2010 innings limit ... 175.

17 seamus   ~  Oct 11, 2010 3:26 pm

[16] oh ok thanks. I was trying to figure out if that was part of his box score somehow from Saturday lol. nice!

18 The Hawk   ~  Oct 11, 2010 3:39 pm

I feel like Gardner must be in some high tech chamber getting ionized or whatever he does that makes that godawful swing of his actually effective.

19 RIYank   ~  Oct 11, 2010 3:56 pm

[18] No, it was a trick question. As rbj [5] hinted, "time" has no meaning for Brett Gardner.

I'm happy to see Simone checking in -- now we know it's time to get serious. Or (knock on wood) Serious, from the AB lexicon. Now Ms. Oct. must return, so we can feel like it's really October.

20 Sliced Bread   ~  Oct 11, 2010 4:21 pm

heh. our Centaur has talon-envy.
couple more:

Thames is flowing through southern England.

Wood is avoiding open flame, and regularly checking his moisture level so as not to warp, cup, crack, or twist.

As long as Fat Elvis isn't nodding off on a Graceland toilet reading Frank Adams' The Scientific Search For The Face Of Jesus' we know he's alive enough for the ALCS.

21 Sliced Bread   ~  Oct 11, 2010 4:32 pm

Joe Girardi is calling Justin Bieber, gathering further celebrity testimony about Invisalign braces.

22 Diane Firstman   ~  Oct 11, 2010 4:35 pm

Kim Jones is busy fending off questions as to whether she ever received any explicit voicemails from Brett Favre.

23 Diane Firstman   ~  Oct 11, 2010 4:36 pm

Javy Vazquez is on the phone to O.J. Simpson, as O.J. is convinced he can help track down Javy's missing 2-3 mph on his fastball.

24 Diane Firstman   ~  Oct 11, 2010 4:38 pm

John Sterling is getting his eyes checked, to make sure he can continue to accurately track the distance of flyballs.

25 Diane Firstman   ~  Oct 11, 2010 4:41 pm

Greg Golson is at the DMV, trying to explain to them that he is not THIS man:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gregg_Olson

26 Sliced Bread   ~  Oct 11, 2010 4:52 pm

Kevin Long is asking the families of Benny Goodman and Count Basie if he can officially call himself the King of Swing.

27 Diane Firstman   ~  Oct 11, 2010 4:53 pm

[26]

LOL

28 rbj   ~  Oct 11, 2010 5:14 pm

And Sergio is at his part time job at Costco, where he hands out samples of sausage he has on a platter. . .

29 Sliced Bread   ~  Oct 11, 2010 5:38 pm

[27] lol backatcha. I especially enjoyed Gardner's resurfaced grit.

30 rbj   ~  Oct 11, 2010 6:31 pm

And I bet Mosley is cleaning his apartment -- vacuuming, washing windows, and dustin'

feed Share on Facebook Share on Twitter Share via email
"This ain't football. We do this every day."
--Earl Weaver