Chipper Jones? Derrek Lee? I hear Ron Hassey is sitting on his dick somewhere willing to give first a try.
[Photo Credit: Bags]
Is there a requirement that active roster players have to be alive? Because maybe Brian should call up Lou Gehrig. I'd stay away fro Hal Chase though. Maybe bring back Babe Ruth for RF too. I bet that would sell a lot of tickets.
Something in the water around here telling owners that getting old people to unretire and start for your team is really cool... or is that hipsterism?
Other teams have drug testing and Gatorade. The Yankees have colorectal screenings and Ensure.
 Don't be absurd - Lou and the Babe haven't been seen in the Bronx since they filed into the outfield before the last game in the old yard -- September 2008. Do I have to remember everything? :)
Cashman calls it "creative." I call it "sad."
Ben Fucking Francisco....
I'm assuming Cashman started getting "creative" after Tino, Chambliss, and Mattingly said they're REALLY not available.
Although Lee didn't even play last year, he batted .267/.325/.446 with 19 homers in 477 PA's in 2011. Better than Ibanez did in 2011 (who is 3 years older than Lee). If he'd take a minor league contract, I think he'd be worth a look at 1B/DH to fill in until Tex makes it back.
Chipper, on the other hand, clearly wouldn't unretire for a trip to the Bronx. Deadspin appears to have picked up on the Cash-elf's awareness of this fact, while Jack Curry seems convinced our elven GM is delirious enough from pain meds to believe anything. http://deadspin.com/brian-cashman-wants-to-sign-chipper-jones-but-he-needs-452412016
 Would have preferred the Real Big Ben... or perhaps the O.G. Big Ben...
 After all, it's kinda looking like the offense will need maybe one or two touchdowns per game to make it through this season on top...
...and Benji Greens could help with the self-imposed cap!
Stick Johnny Damon at 1st while we are being creative.
JD's arm is weak for the infield, but if the Yanks can move Knoblauch to the outfield, then why not Damon at 1st?
I meant his arm is weak for the outfield for Damon.
 Or how 'bout we give Jorgie a call. I'm sure he's not too busy these days. Or if he begs off, maybe Steve Balboni?
 Bye-Bye was always my guy-guy!!
I sense a lot more 'comedic' posts coming this season on the Banter..
 ...and heavy drinking.
 No, you're probably right the first time.
17) I love it!
Maybe Cashman could try Mike Piazza at first.
Has no one mentioned Jeter at first? I'm sure he can pick it up fairly quickly..can't be more runs lost with im there than at SS.
 Shhhh... Jeter seems well prepared for the inevitability of more runs lost with him at SS >;) Outside of that, I can't imagine who takes his place; after all, rumor has it that the Yanks' AAA farm team is really a conflagration of cane sugar, microfibers, fog and conjectural theory. Might as well have Schroedinger's cat play first if it's available...
Wait..you mean you are not an Eduardo NunEEEEEEEz believer?
I believe he can be the starting shortstop in 2013 with the greatest of 'E's...
 Well, I am a Nuñez believer, in that I have come to the unfortunate conclusion that I believe he exists. Otherwise...
 On the other hand, I am becoming increasingly sceptical about the existence of a Yankees AAA farm team. I mean, I read about it and I hear that sometimes the numbers 6-8 starters and 13-18 relievers are stashed there, yet I never seem to see any actual players from it make it to the big leagues.
 They say they played home games last year, but is there any actual proof that they were home?
The farm team is neither particle nor wave. It's, like, the opposite of the uncertainty principle... which I guess would be the certainty principle.
Majors: Do you have anyone who we can call up?
Oof. That was terrible.
 I dug it!
A NYT writer called it looking at the "scrap heap" for replacements. Ben Francisco! No one better on the farm? I vote for Ray Barker, Joe Pepitone's back-up in 1965.
I also nominate Ted McGinly; if nothing else, he's bound to bring up the ratings on YES...
 So the Yankee farm system has officially jumped the shark?
 You tell me. When Girardi saw Romine yesterday, he said, "Aaay!"
 Well, Henry Winkler was a pretty good pitcher for the old Happy Days celebrity softball team... ;-)
I'm not sure who played first on that team...maybe Potsie (he could also sing God Bless America in a pinch if needed)? I do know that Scott Baio played short and was a pretty good athlete (possible replacement for Jeter?). I remember Baio dominating the obsticle course on the Battle of the Network Stars...
 LOL. I laugh, because the fact that the Yankees farm system doesn't have a replacement level player who can man first base for a month and a half is just too painful.
 You're killing me, Bama! I remember that too, too well!
Old-School Banter Scroll
Today (Game 1)
RHP Brandon McCarthy (6-4, 2.79)
RHP Kevin Gausman (7-7, 3.83)
1:05 p.m., YES Network and MLB Network
Today (Game 2)
TBA (Bryan Mitchell seems like the best bet)
RHP Bud Norris (12-8, 3.92)
7:05 p.m., YES Network and MLB Network
RHP Shane Greene (4-3, 3.57)
RHP Miguel Gonzalez (9-7, 3.22)
1:05 p.m., FOX
RHP Hiroki Kuroda (10-9, 3.91)
RHP Chris Tillman (12-5, 3.36)
8:05 p.m., ESPN
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