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New York Minute

There is an older woman I see on the train often, looks like Selma Diamond (if only she spoke like Selma Diamond). She wears gold and fiddles with her phone. This morning, one stop away from where we both get off, a middle-aged woman with long hair sat next to her. I missed what started it all but they began to argue. Selma got up, “There, now you can have all the space you need.”

“Good, I do need it.”

“I bet you do, bitch.”

“I’m not the bitch, you’re the bitch. Old bitch.”

“Look at you,” said Selma, “Aren’t you too old to be acting like a bitch?”

“I’m a good bitch. What are you going to do about it?”

“I’ll beat you up.”

This is when the middle-aged woman with long hair stood up and shook her finger at Selma. But Selma had her head turned, earphones in her ears,  and the middle-aged woman sat down. They kept at it some but it wasn’t going to get worse, just two cranky ladies on a Monday morning cursing at each other.

I was left with one thought as I got off the train. When does “I’ll beat you up” stop being part of your arsenal in an argument?

Categories:  Bronx Banter  New York Minute  NYC  Subway Stories

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1 Mr OK Jazz Tokyo   ~  Oct 3, 2011 9:07 am

Hey AB, was just checking in as usual before slumber over here, this one has me cracking up big time. Selma Diamond.."I'm a good bitch..", too hysterical.

The conversation here would be: "So sorry for taking up so much space, madame!" "Oh no, the fault is all mine, I am too fat and have these huge bags!" (cover mouth, small giggle) "Oh no, it really is my fault, thank you so much for kindly understanding!" "No no, please be careful on your journey!"

Tedious to listen to endless apologies, day after day..especially when you KNOW they are thinking "old bag, move your fucking bags when I sit down."

2 Boatzilla   ~  Oct 3, 2011 9:14 am

>>When does “I’ll beat you up” stop being part of your arsenal in an argument?

When you've actually been in a fight, hurt somebody, been hurt or been arrested and you don't ever want it to happen again.

The only people who say that are people who have never done it and never will.

3 Boatzilla   ~  Oct 3, 2011 9:15 am

But it's still pretty funny.

4 Alex Belth   ~  Oct 3, 2011 9:17 am

2)Yeah, I'm thinking you are right about that. Funny, that the phrase comes out as a reflex.

5 Boatzilla   ~  Oct 3, 2011 9:48 am

[4] It would have been even funnier if the other one said, "I double dog dare ya!" Where does that come from anyway?

6 Chyll Will   ~  Oct 3, 2011 11:34 am

[5]A Christmas Story, the scene where Ralphie and friends are talking about how your tongue would stick to a cold flagpole and two of them start one-upping each other on daring the other to do it. Classic scene, classic movie...(That I can't link to because I'm on my STOOPID Blackberry...)

7 Bama Yankee   ~  Oct 3, 2011 1:11 pm
8 YankeeAbby   ~  Oct 3, 2011 2:00 pm

[6]...you'll shoot your eye out!!!


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