"A New York Treasure" --Village Voice

Taster’s Cherce

Three days ago I received a package from Pat Jordan. Twenty pounds of pecans from the pecan trees in his backyard. Unshelled. The son of a bitch didn’t have the decency to include a nutcracker although he had a few suggestive hints how the wife and I could get them open. He did attach a note, however:

“To Whom it May Concern: ┬áSend pralines and pecan-bourbon pie to Susan and Pat Jordan, Abbeville, S.C. ASAP.”

My pal.

[Photo Credit: Simply Recipes]

7 comments

1 Shaun P.   ~  Jan 6, 2012 10:10 am

I can't stop laughing over this one. That's a hell of a gift to receive, with no nutcracker, and the pie request.

I'm kind of surprised that a foodie extraordinaire like you, Alex, doesn't have a nutcracker in the house. I've always had one, though probably because I've always lived with someone who loved nuts.

2 Alex Belth   ~  Jan 6, 2012 10:23 am

1) I know, that's random. I still remember the nutcracker in my grandparent's apartment. And my mom always had one. I guess we get our nuts cracked. So I've got to go out and get a damn nutcracker and then shell the motherfuckers. Then, making praline sounds like a good bet.

3 Yankee Mama   ~  Jan 6, 2012 10:26 am

What a (pie)ce of work. That is hilarious.

My son, who played the lead(Fritz/Nutcracker)this year in The Nutcracker Ballet received 5lbs of nuts and a nutcracker as a gift. I'm sure he'd let you borrow it. Looks spiffy.

4 Shaun P.   ~  Jan 6, 2012 10:37 am

[2] The nutcracker will serve you well beyond nuts; stuck jar lids, for example. Though I haven't bought one in years, so maybe they've changed a lot since the early 80s. (I just use one that belonged to my grandparents.)

As for shelling 20 pounds of nuts, there must be some enterprising youngster you know who would gladly crack nuts for some small sum per nut cracked. That worked for my grandfather with my brother and me, at least. =)

5 Chyll Will   ~  Jan 6, 2012 10:52 am

Bleagh. Pecans. My Mom loved butter pecan ice cream, but I think mainly because it was the one ice cream she could count on still being there when she wanted it. I did have pralines on my work-trip to Nawlins (they can tell where you're from by the way you pronounce pralines) and saw firsthand what they were made of and how at the best shop in the city for them. Looked really good, but could not shake the pecans being mixed in. Yuck.

6 thelarmis   ~  Jan 6, 2012 2:24 pm

i have a pecan tree on my side lawn that overhangs my driveway. i am sooo tired of driving over and stepping on pecan shells!!! i guess my car tires are my nutcracker...

never heard of pralines...

7 Chyll Will   ~  Jan 6, 2012 2:40 pm

[6] To be so far South and have never even heard of pralines, honestly! And being a NYer is not a viable excuse; I'd heard of them long before I ever had one (though I didn't know whether they were a fruit or a nut until I saw one); it's actually a confectionery treat laden with pecans, much like an overgrown Snickers bar, but more free-form...

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