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Towards thee I roll, thou all-destroying but unconquering Rally Monkey; to the last I grapple with thee; from hell’s heart I stab at thee; for hate’s sake I spit my last breath at thee.

Nothing stops a Yankee winning streak like the heavenly hosts of Anaheim, and tonight they overcame a four-run deficit to beat the Yankees 10-6. This Joba Chamberlain start was, unlike the last one,  not a complete disaster, but he once again threw too many pitches, worked too slowly, and didn’t get out of the fifth inning on a night when the bullpen very much needed a break. He had a 5-1 lead when he allowed a couple of singles, A-Rod made a throwing error, and Kendry Morales hit a three-run shot to tie the game; one double later, Joe Girardi pulled him.

The shorthanded Yankee bullpen, in the form of Melancon and Bruney, was no better – but about the only other arm available tonight was Brett Tomko’s, so I guess things could have been even worse. Meanwhile the Yankees hit Joe Saunders fairly hard – at one point Alex Rodriguez somehow launched a home run with an awkward swing at a calf-high changeup – but once he left, they scored just once off of five Angels relievers.

Forget it, Joe. It’s Anaheim.

It was a tight game tonight, and A.J. Burnett was a bit nervous-making. Wild pitches left and right (and then left again), seven hits in 6.1 innings, four walks and just two strikeouts. But Burnett was stubborn, too, and he controlled the damage: the Yankees won, 4-2. At a few points he was stalking around the mound and muttering to himself; “I got upset a couple times, but just tried to stay within myself and make the next pitch,” he said after the game. Ah, that’s a golden oldie, stay within himself. Joe Torre used that one all the time, and while I don’t think it actually means anything (staying within yourself is just what you do while you’re taking it one day at a time and giving 110 or even 120%), it invokes fond memories.

In the postgame scrum, a reporter asked Burnett how he settled himself during games. “Anything that can calm me down,” he said. “I’m joking out there with myself, I mean if y’all could read my mind out there y’all would crack up.” Am I the only one imagining Nuke LaLoosh’s inner monologue from Bull Durham right now? Anyway, as I’ve seen a number of Yankees fans say this season, Burnett’s been a lot more likable than I expected. He always used to annoy me. Partly it was his squinty, short-tempered demeanor on the mound – like with my old favorite Paul O’Neill and his temper tantrums, that stuff’s a lot less charming when the player in question isn’t on your team. Plus there were some very questionable hair choices over the years. But hey, so far this season, he’s been downright endearing.

Anyway, Burnett’s outing (dare I call it “gritty”?) and another pretty solid night for the Yankee bullpen – including a 1.1-inning save courtesy of Mo – were enough, barely, to back up the Yankees’ four runs. Anthony Swarzak started for Minnesota tonight, and the Yankees got to him early, scoring three runs in the second on a RBI groundout from Nick Swisher and a two-run Brett Gardner single. Swarzak, who sounds like a creature from Land of the Lost, made a good recovery but his pitch count puffed up fast. He was out of the game in the fifth, though  not before giving up what turned out to be the game-winning run – which came when Alex Rodriguez knocked in Derek Jeter. (Ain’t that the way it’s supposed to be?).

I’ve always liked the Twins, and now that they have a player named Span, of course I have to pull for them even more. My guy Denard has a very fine .377 OBP, though admittedly he is not exactly slugging up a storm. And I think it will take a few more series before I stop doing a double-take every time Ken Singleton says “Span is smelling like a rose” (thanks Kenny!) or David Cone remarks that “Span’s just caught flat-footed”.

The Yanks have won 12 of their last 14. Excelsior.

Man, I wish I’d been there in person for this one.

“I just wanna do my job and let someone else talk about myself,” said Mariano Rivera after his 500th career save and first-ever RBI. Happy to oblige.

The Yankees won 4-2 tonight, and though they probably should have scored more – given that the Mets handed them nine walks and an error in the last four innings alone – it ended on a high note, so I won’t be complaining, or even bothering to question the questionable moves from Joe Girardi tonight (I’m sure a few  commenters will be happy to pick up my slack).

The Mets were patching things together pretty well for a while there, considering three of their four best hitters are out of the picture, and that the roles of John Maine and Ollie Perez are being played by Tim Redding and tonight’s starter, Livan Hernandez, the oldest 34-year-old in the game. Hernandez was not half bad tonight, in fact, and I enjoy watching his smoke and mirrors, but it wasn’t enough – at the moment the Mets’ lineup is too depleted, and their defense too sloppy. Meanwhile the Yankees seem to be getting their act together, though only time will tell. The end result was a three-game sweep, and to add insult to injury, tonight’s insurance run came courtesy of the fearsome plate discipline of Mariano Rivera, in his third career at-bad.

The Yankees scored three in the first inning, thanks in large part to yet more defensive blundering from the Mets. Derek Jeter doubled, and Nick Swisher hit into a fielder’s choice, but the fielder chose poorly. Mark Teixeira doubled, and eventually Jorge Posada got him home with a sacrifice fly. That was all the Yankees could muster, dispite numerous opportunities, until Mo’s appearance in the ninth.

Chien-Ming Wang, abetted by some nifty fielding, gave up two runs in the second but kept his cool and held on into the sixth. Phils Coke and Hughes were excellent again in relief, but Brian Bruney was not, prompting Rivera to make another 8th inning appearance. You know, every year since 2006 or so, Torre and Girardi have claimed they aren’t going to do that, and they always do anyway – not that I blame them for changing their minds. How could you resist? If I were a manager (god forbid) and I had Mariano Rivera at my disposal, I imagine my hand would start twitching towards the bullpen phone sometime around the third inning most nights.

In the top of the ninth, the Yankees tried to use Francisco Cervelli as a pinch-hitting decoy, but it was clear that Rivera was never coming out of a 3-2 game in the ninth inning. Mo limbered up and rolled his shoulders as he walked to the plate with – of course – the bases loaded, facing Francisco Rodriguez with two outs. If you have to have a pitcher up in that spot, I guess at least you want to have a guy who doesn’t rattle.

I think Mariano Rivera’s at-bats may be the most thoroughly entertained I have ever seen a Yankee dugout. Anyway, thecoaches presumably told Mo not to swing again, but he had no intention of following that advice this time, either. He took one very healthy hack on a 2-2 count and fouled the pitch back – but other than that he laid off, working the count full and then, remarkably, walking.

Be nice to your Mets fan friends tomorrow, gang. They’ve been through enough already.

Rivera closed out the game afterwards with a minimum of fuss for his 500th save, and while I think most everyone reading the Banter would agree that the save is a deeply flawed statistic, this is really just another opportunity to reflect on how freakishly awesome Mariano has been, is now, and hopefully will continue to be – for at least a  while longer. You can’t really overhype Mo, and that’s saying something.

Hey, the Yankees stopped sucking for a few innings! It was probably because I wasn’t watching. I caught up thanks to the miracle of Tivo, though, and much to my pleasant surprise, saw the Yankees beat the Braves 8-4, behind a solid Joba Chamberlain start and some timely (well, a week or two late, but you know what I mean) second-half hitting.

Despite some hard-hit balls, the Yankees had settled into their comfortable routine of doing nothing against National League pitching – in fact, two Braves pitchers were teaming up for a perfect game through five. Then suddenly, in the sixth inning, the Yanks got some of those run thingies we’ve been hearing so much about. The first one came when… wait, this can’t be right. Francisco Cervelli hit a home run?

Cervelli’s solo shot, his first in the bigs, tied the game at 1-1. Rookies usually try to act all cool and nonchalant in this scenario, but Cervelli was obviously pumped. His homer came immediately after Brett Gardner got picked off first base on a truly lousy call, and Joe Girardi got thrown out for arguing. I don’t necessarily buy that this move “fired up the team,” but hey, can’t hurt to try, right?  Jeter and Damon followed with singles, Teixeira was sorta-intentionally walked, and A-Rod struck… whoops, sorry, force of habit. A-Rod hit a two-run single: 3-1 Yanks.

The game stayed close for a few innings, but New York clung to the lead. After Joba lost it a bit in the 7th, Phil Coke, a shaky Brian Bruney, and one Mariano Rivera kept things under control (with Mo striking out all four batters he faced, and lining out to center field, awesomely, amid much fanfare). And the Yankee hitters pursued an exciting new strategy which involved tacking on additional runs in order to give their team a cushion. Yeah, it’s different, but I think they may be on to something.

“Everybody is happy,” said Cervelli after the game, “everybody wants to play baseball. So things happen.”

As a side note, one of my favorite things about interleague play (though not so much this year, thus far) is watching the facial expressions of NL batters who haven’t previously faced Mariano Rivera. Ah. Believe the hype, fellas, even now.

Despite the sarcastic tone of this post, I should say that I don’t think the Yankees are in such a dire position just yet. After all they’re still tied for the Wild Card, it’s still only June, they’re due for a few wins against the Red Sox, and we’ve already seen this year that they’re capable of going on a big run.

They probably shouldn’t wait any longer to do it, though.

Okay, first of all, I know I’m late on this… but Land Shark Stadium? LAND SHARK STADIUM?! What, couldn’t they find a sponsor for Liger Stadium? Why not just call it Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus Stadium, or was that too dignified?

Anyway. The Yankees took an early lead against the Marlins tonight and won, 5-1, behind a strong seven-inning, three-hit, seven-strikeout start from Andy Pettitte. Whether that’s because he’s made some adjustments, because his back is feeling better, because he’s away from the New Yankee Bandbox, or just the joy of playing the National League, I couldn’t say. But I’ll take it.

Every Yankee starter had at least one hit, and all but Nick Swisher got one off of Marlins starter Sean West. Derek Jeter started things off on the right foot with a long double in the first, and Jorge Posada, batting cleanup tonight as A-Rod took a much-needed and possibly overdue break, singled him home. The next inning, Cano singled and Angel Berroa reminded everyone of his continued existence with a run-scoring double. It was Berroa’s first hit since April 28th, a statement which requires no editorializing from me. Andy Pettitte followed with an RBI double of his very own – and it was his first double since 2006, so I guess I can’t make a joke about him being better than Berroa, but just know that I really wanted to.  At this point a “Let’s Go Yankees” cheer broke out … poor Marlins fans, man. Pettitte chugged home on a Johnny Damon single and  it was 4-0, and Melky Cabrera’s third-inning home run finished off the New York scoring.

As for the Marlins, Pettitte’s only major misstep was a Cody Ross homer in the bottom of the third, and after he left the game, Brian Bruney and Brett Tomko (making me nervous with only a four-run lead) finished things off without incident.

Tune in tomorrow night, when A.J. Burnett takes on Josh Johnson, live from No Sense of Self Respect Stadium in Margaritaville, FLA.

Aw, Joe Girardi seemed so cheerful and carefree after tonight’s game. Playing the Washington Nationals: better than Swedish massage.*

C.C. Sabathia pitched very well over 7.2 innings; the only blip was a what-the-hell moment in the fifth when  Anderson Hernandez doubled his lifetime home run total with a three-run shot. That gave the Nats a 3-2 lead, but  it was short-lived once manger Manny “Dead Man Walking… Out to the Mound” Acta turned to his bullpen (hi Ron Villone!). Mark Teixeira and Robinson Cano had the big RBIs, helped out a bit there by Elijah Dukes’ fielding choices. Final score: Yanks 5, Nats 3.

Meanwhile, I can’t decide if I want the Nats to break the 1962 Mets’ loss record or not. On the one hand, I’ve often felt that if your team’s going to be bad, they might as well be epically, historically bad. That way you get that mesmerizing car-crash factor. (For example, I actually watched the Knicks more often a few years ago, because they were such an unbelievable mess that you never knew what was going to go mind-bogglingly wrong next; now that they’re merely pretty bad, they’re not that interesting).

On the other hand, though, I don’t really see D.C. embracing the Nats as a bunch of lovable losers, like New Yorkers (or at least the New York media) did with the Mets in ’62. And those Mets had an excuse – brand new team and lousy expansion draft players – that the Nationals don’t; there’s nothing particularly charming about chronic front office mismanagement. Plus I like Manny Acta.

So basically, I’m rooting for them to lose 120 if it’d be fun and zany, but not if it’s going to be all soul-crushing. What do you guys think? Want to see the Nats go for history, or should we pull for the record to stay in New York, where it belongs?

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*Just in case they go on to take the next two games from the Yankees, I’d like to apologize in advance for the hubris.

If there was any fairness in the world, the Yankees would have to throw that win back. Or perhaps baseball should institute a rule whereby, when it’s called for, the umpires could just declare the game a loss for both teams. Pending such an innovation, though, tonight’s score will have to stand: Yankees 8, Mets 7, on a walk-off error.

Yep, that was one fugly baseball game. At the beginning of the night, back when we were young, Joba Chamberlain took the mound for the Yanks. He looked pretty decent the first couple of innings… and then imploded, at least as much as you can implode without giving up more than two runs. His control fled like a teenager in a slasher flick and he walked two batters, hit one, walked another, hit another, and threw more than 40 pitches just in the third. At the end of his abbreviated night he’d tossed 100 pitches in just four innings, while allowing five walks. Yeesh.

If I try to give you a detailed blow-by-blow on all the offense, I’ll be here all night, so here’s the Cliffs Notes: the Yankees went up 1-0, then the Mets took a 2-1 lead, then the Yankees came back and made it 3-2, then Brett Tomko came in — yes, that Livan Hernandez-Brett Tomko marquee matchup New Yorkers have been waiting for! — and the Mets torched him for four earned runs, including a patented Gary Sheffield blast. The Yankees clawed their way back when Jeter hit a New Stadium Special solo shot to right, and Matsui followed the next inning with a big three-run homer to make it 7-6. The Mets came right back in the seventh: 7-7, tie game.

With two outs in the eighth, Girardi brought in Mariano Rivera. Obvious  question: why couldn’t he have done this last night, when I was driving my mom up the NJ Turnpike and cursing extensively at the radio while trying to explain to her about high-leverage situations? Of course, tonight Girardi followed my advice and it didn’t work at all. Ah well. Beltran walked, Wright doubled, and the Mets took a one-run lead, again, some more.

However hapless the Yanks were tonight, though, in the end, the Mets were… uh, haplesser. In the bottom of the ninth Derek Jeter singled off of K-Rod, a nice piece of hitting, and stole second; Teixeira was intentionally walked once the count went to 3-0. The Yankees were down to their final out, though, and naturally it all came down to A-Rod – and he hit a soft little routine pop-up behind second. Game over, you had to assume, as Luis Castillo settled under it… but then Castillo… dropped it. Just like that, for no visible reason. It bounced and fell out of his glove. Huh.

It was exactly what you always hope will happen on the last out of a loss but of course it never, ever does.  Teixeira and Jeter were running hard from the start, and so they both scored, and voila: walk-off E-4.  The Yankees didn’t win this one so much as the Mets lost it, but hey, it all comes out the same in the standings.

Be sure to catch the SNY pregame show tomorrow, when Louis Castillo will be torn apart by an angry mob… that is, if the team hasn’t already sacrificed him on an altar to appease the baseball gods. (I hear the new Stadium has an amazingly luxe visitors’ altar).

Man, it’s gorgeous out there today. I’ve gotta say, once it gets hot and sunny out, I can’t summon any real sense of urgency for day games. Not that I enjoy watching any less… but I get pretty laid-back about it.

Today’s game was appropriate, then, as the Yankees beat the Rays 4-3 with one of the least exciting three-run eighth inning comebacks you’ll ever see. It was still a nice win (and the Yanks’ 20th come-from-behinder of the season), it’s just that a few walks, an error, and a couple of dinky shoulda-been DP balls is hardly the stuff of legend. For an inning there it was like playing the old Devil Rays of a few years ago. Still, whatever works, and the Yanks, for now, have regained their .5-game division lead.

For the first five innings, the game was mostly a Matt Garza-Joba Chamberlain pitching duel. They both allowed a single run in the third – Joba on a B.J. Upton RBI double, Garza on a Nick Swisher homer – but that was it. Then in the sixth Joba, who’d been cruising along pretty efficiently, lost his fastball control and got himself into a mess. With the bases loaded, Gabe Gross hit a single up the middle and the Rays took a 3-1 lead. Chamberlain recovered to K Dioner Navarro, though, and that combined with Alfredo Aceves’s impressive six outs meant New York’s deficit never got too daunting.

The Yankees launched their passive-resistance-style comeback in the eighth. Damon and Teixeira singled, A-Rod walked, and then Cano walked – and if I were a manager and my reliever managed to walk Robinson Cano with the bases loaded, I’d be out of the dugout so fast the cameras would only pick up a Superman-like blur. Anyway, then Posada reached, and the game was tied, thanks to a painful error on a likely DP ball by Willy Aybar at third. Matsui hit another likely DP but beat the throw to first (yeah, you heard me) and got away with a force out. And with that, the offensive fireworks were complete. The Yanks’ one-run lead was all they needed, since Mariano Rivera returned to his customary awesomeness and made short work of the Rays, including final out Evan Longoria.

Meanwhile, I’m really liking David Cone as an announcer these days. He seems to enjoy himself, he throws around obscure player slang, and he always seems to be just moments away from forgetting where he is and telling some great, wildly inappropriate story about his playing days that will traumatize young children and gpossibly get him canned. Fun.

So it rained before the game, and it’s raining now, but the heavens closed tonight just long enough for the Yankees to play a listless nine innings and lose, 4-2, to the Rangers.

During the game I was thinking that Phil Hughes may be back in the rotation sooner rather than later, because it sure seemed like something was off with Andy Pettitte. After the game he said he was fine, but his first couple innings tonight were a festival of walks and singles – both his stuff and his location were giving him trouble. It’s a testament to either Pettitte’s luck or his guile that he  limited the damage to four runs and then got himself through five innings, given how rough he looked in the early going. Could just be an off-night, or maybe his back still hurts and he’s  being macho about it, which (note: complete speculation) would be my guess.

Meanwhile Scott Feldman, going for the Rangers, was not exactly dominating but did do a good job of preventing the Yankees from stringing anything together. Alex Rodriguez singled in Nick Swisher in the first, and then in the seventh, Jorge Posada knocked a line drive over the right field wall, and that was it for New York.

Despite all their come-from-behind wins this year,  I never thought they’d pull one of those off tonight – the game just didn’t have that feel. Low-energy, and a bit of a comedown after the last two doozies, but hey, they were certainly due for one of these. My personal favorite moment of the game was Paul O’Neill’s extended shocked silence at the revelation that Randy Choate is currently closing for the Rays.

So, I’m off to sleep. Over the last few weeks I’ve been having really odd, vivid dreams, which I only mention because a lot of them have been baseball-related. There was one the week before last in which Jeter and A-Rod were kidnapped and for some reason I had to find them when the police couldn’t. Then I had one of those classics where you show up to class and discover there’s a huge exam you’re totally unprepared for, and all the questions were about the ’94 strike. Oddest of all, a few nights ago I dreamed I was… making out with Johan Santana at an Enrique Iglesias concert. (Please note that my admiration for Johan Santana is considerable, but platonic, and that I can’t stand Enrique Iglesias.) The subconscious is a strange place.

Anyone else have any weird baseball dreams you’d care to share?

… and also in the first-seven-innings role. Someone must’ve told him it was Alex’s birthday.

Great game tonight – drama, frustration, release, a major league fielding record, awe mixed with uncontrollable giggles at the expense of a large man bellyflopping acrobatically, clips from When Animals Attack… this one had it all. The Yanks won 5-2 and they did it with style.

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Photo courtesy of ESPN.com

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Five runs was enough for New York, but it could’ve been more, given that the Indians loaded the bases on walks not once but twice, and handed out 11 free passes all told. Joba pitched very, very well – was in fact perfect until Victor Martinez launched a homer with two outs in the fourth – but the game stayed tied, 1-1, into the seventh.

Chamberlain was briefly in trouble in the fifth, with two on and nobody out, when Kelly Shoppach (who apparently likes to play with black cats under ladders in his spare time) came up and bunted. The ball shot up in the air and Joba, in a move that managed to be both staggeringly awkward and remarkably graceful at the same time, launched into a huge bellyflop of a leap for it, with some very serious hang time. He made the catch just as gravity reasserted itself. Video here. Joba’s teammates were cracking up after the play (Pettitte, in the dugout, looked like he couldn’t even breath), but leave it to ol’ redass Jorge Posada to run up to the prone Joba, screaming for him to get up and get the second out at second base – which much to his credit, Chamberlain actually had enough breath left in him to do.

In the seventh inning, with the bases full of walked Yankees for the second time, Nick Swisher came up and whacked a two-run double that missed grand slamdom by just a foot or two. 3-1 Yanks. Then the Indians did something I’ll never understand: walked Teixeira to load the bases so that they could pitch to Alex Rodriguez. Wha? I mean, yeah, right handed pitcher, whatever, and I know how hot Teixeira is right now, and A-Rod’s not 100% still, and you want to set up the DP… but, no. Steroids or not, clutch or not, how do you intentionally walk anyone to pitch to Alex Rodriguez? Anyway, Rodriguez validated my feelings on the matter with a two-run single.

Mariano Rivera came in for the save – Joba went eight innings, 106 pitches, big velocity, a beauty – and ended the game with a nifty grab, twirl and throw, a play that might actually have been better  than Joba’s, though it was not nearly as funny.

So: who would ever have thought that the Yankees of all people would set a Major League record for consecutive errorless games? This was their 18th. Yes, yes, I know errors are not a very meaningful measure of fielding skill, and this isn’t exactly one of the sport’s more hallowed records, but still. Even in their late-90s heyday defense wasn’t really the Yanks’ thing… and I don’t think it is this year, either, though lord knows Teixeira helps. But hey, Mr. Fielding Controversy himself, Derek Jeter, is looking awfully good these days. I intend to enjoy it while it lasts.

Finally, what is up with the animals in Cleveland? Who’s been screening Hitchcock for the seagulls? I don’t think New York pigeons know what fear is, but you almost never see them settle en masse on a playing field like that. I think I’ve only ever seen birds that brazen in Atlantic City, where the seagulls are absolutely HUGE – bigger than many dog breeds, no exaggeration – and always look at you like they’re just biding their time til they can get you outnumbered and pick the flesh from your bones.

I vaguely remember writing something like this during the midge game in ’07, but we need NYC animal life to come out and support the local nine the same way those gnats gave Cleveland a boost.  I mean, let’s see how calm opposing relievers are when cockroaches swarm the mound and the outfield is full of rats. At the very least someone ought to start some false bed bug rumors and induce psychosomatic itchiness.

Anyway, Yanks are in first place by a hair and coming home. Good night Cleveland, there will be no encore!

The Yankees left the bases loaded in the first inning of tonight’s game against the Indians – Posada, finally back, struck out – but it didn’t turn into One of Those Games. Although Pettitte left in the sixth with the vague yet ominous-sounding “back stiffness,” both he and the Yanks’ heart attack of a bullpen were solid, and New York won 3-1.

The Yankees took the lead in the second when Derek Jeter singled in Nick Swisher, and Mark Texeira’s bases-loaded groundout knocked in Brett Gardner. One inning later, Swisher hit a sac fly, Cano scored, and the Yankees had their three runs, which was enough. Cliff Lee looked pretty good tonight, but not 2008 good. Meanwhile Pettitte pitched well up ’til his untimely departure, and Aceves and Rivera took things from there. Nice clean win, even though the dreaded midges showed up for a while in the early going (shudder). And with all due respect to Francisco Cervelli it was great to see Jorge back, especially since he went 2 for 3 with a walk and a double.

The Red Sox lost to Toronto tonight, which means the Yankees are alone in first place for the first time since… wow, 2006? We were all so young then.

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I don’t know a lot about Cleveland, really… never been there, don’t know anyone from there. When I think “Cleveland”, I think:

-Swarms of gnats
-Rock and Roll Hall of Fame
-LeBron James
-Drew Carey

That’s about it, really, plus “Look Out Cleveland,” by The Band, which is an excellent song. But I actually picked the Indians to win their division, and I’ve always kind of liked them (awful racist logo aside), and so I’m rooting for them to play better. As soon as the Yankees leave town.

Finally, in other good news, the Mets have acquired RHP Lance Broadway. Not that I know a damn thing about Lance Broadway — and a quick glance at his stats has not exactly left my jaw on the floor — but, needless to say, that man was born to pitch in New York City. You don’t mess with destiny.

And here I thought I’d missed all the dramatic comebacks. I was away last weekend, bridesmaiding (and if that’s not an action verb, it should be), and for the first time in years was mostly without internet and TV – so I didn’t catch any of those three walk-off wins. I hasten to add, in case the lovely bride is reading this, that it was of course completely worth it. But fortunately the Yankees were willing to give me a little encore today, coming back from a two-run ninth inning deficit with another big homer from A-Rod, who continues to give the world the finger, and a Melky Cabrera single to beat the Phillies 5-4.

Regardless of the outcome, I’m loving this weekend’s baseball – I get a kick out of seeing Yankees fans pulling for the Mets, and vice versa. A rare moment of city-wide unity, even if it is based on a “the enemy of my enemy is my friend” sort of sentiment.

Andy Pettitte was the starter today, and he looked pretty good in the early going. In fact, he looked pretty good all afternoon if you just ignore a crucial five minute stretch in the middle there. In the second he allowed a solo shot to Raul Ibanez, which is the fashionable thing to do this spring, and then held things down ’til the fifth. Meanwhile the Yankees evened things up right away, when Cano doubled (or when Jayson Werth lost the ball, if you want to be less charitable) and Cabrera and Swisher got him the rest of the way home.

J.A. Happ was the Phillies starter, a classic URP situation. Mark Teixeira got two hits but other than that and Cano’s run in the second, New York didn’t put a dent in him. The game stayed tied at 1-1 until Pettitte slipped  a bit in the fifth, with a base hit, walk, and home run from John Mayberry (Jr.), in his first Major League game.

(Mayberry doubled in the seventh, too. I was all ready to start seriously disliking this kid but then he looked so happy, I couldn’t hold it against him. His dad, who played for the Yanks at the very tail end of his career, though before my time, was in the stands – but FOX kept cutting to an entirely unrelated middle aged black Phillies fan, and misidentifying him as Mayberry, for more than an inning. Awkward. I was relieved when they announced their mistake, though, because I’d been wondering why the first guy they had onscreen didn’t seem all that proud.)

After that Pettitte buckled down and got through the seventh without further damage; and really, four runs in seven innings isn’t too bad against an offense like the Phillies’. This start pretty much encapsulated what I’ve come to expect from Pettitte these days: he doesn’t usually have the stuff to totally shut down a good-hitting team anymore, but he won’t let things get completely out of hand either.

Derek Jeter’s homer in the seventh made it 4-2, well within stirring comeback range. And so in the bottom of the ninth, Damon walked, Teixeira struck out on three hideously nasty Brad Lidge sliders, and A-Rod came to the plate. I have to say, given Teixeira’s AB, my hopes were not high at this point. But Rodriguez had a good at-bat, laid off a couple of low sliders, and waited out a fastball, which he then blasted into the seats — it wasn’t one of his tape-measure shots but he still knew right away it was out and took a little pause before breaking into his trot. I may never know what to make of that guy, but whatever else he is, he’s sure not boring.

After that Cano singled and stole second, and Melky worked out a nice careful at-bat and singled him home. There was a big happy celebratory knot of players on the field, and AJ Burnett marched off very businesslike and determined to fetch the whipped cream. This was the Yankees 17th come-from-behind win this season, and their 9th in their last at-bat, which if you want to be all glass-half-empty about it means they’re falling behind an awful lot, but still it’s fun to watch.

Meanwhile, up at Fenway, Omir Santos of all people just hit a game-winning two-run homer off of Papelbon. And Toronto lost, too. Can I get you anything else?

Alternate post titles:

*Catchers? We Don’t Need No Stinking Catchers!

*Carsten Charles in Charge (I was proud of myself for a second there, but yeah, it’s been done).

This afternoon I told Alex that the way things were going, A-Rod return or no A-Rod return, for tonight’s recap I could probably cut and paste one from earlier this week, and just replace “Rays” with “Orioles”. He wrote back: “Dude, CC is gunna toss a gem and Alex is gunna hit a homer.”

Well… yep. That’s the Twitter version (or this is I guess), and the Yankees snapped their five game skid with a fast and clean 4-0 win over the Orioles, thanks to a complete game four-hit shutout courtesy of C.C. Sabathia.

On the first pitch of Rodriguez’s first big-league at-bat of the season, the prodigal 3B knocked a nice parabola of a home run into the left field stands and gave Sabathia a three-run cushion before he even got to the mound, and the way C.C. was throwing tonight that was plenty. Rodriguez took a second to enjoy the moment, not that I can blame him, and the dugout went nuts, which made me think that however much his teammates might dislike him, they seem to like winning more. The first “A-Bomb! From A-Rod” (TM John Sterling) of the ’09 season gave the Yankees their first lead since last Saturday. Yeesh. If the team was trying to set up A-Rod’s big dramatic redemption, they could hardly have come up with better storyboards.

Sabathia was pitching to Francisco Cervelli tonight, because this year “Yankee catcher” is a job title connoting about as much longevity as “Spinal Tap drummer.” They’d never worked together before except for a couple of spring training bullpen sessions, but they sure seemed in synch, at least after a bumpy first inning (which Cervelli helped cut short with a caught stealing). After that Sabathia got scarily efficient, with an eventual total of 8 Ks and one walk with 113 pitches over the nine innings. He looks sloppy on the mound  – the crooked brim and baggy uniform, not buttoned all the way – but when he’s on, his pitching is precise. After that first inning he breezed through until the ninth, when he gave everyone heart palpitations with two leadoff hits before snagging three all-business swinging strikeouts in a row to end the game.

The Yankees had a mini-rally in the fourth, but didn’t score after Nick Swisher got picked off third – in fact Swisher got back to the bag in time, but was called out because third base coach Rob Thomson had shoved him in the right direction. I have to admit I had no idea that was against the rules, not that I’d ever really thought about it before. Good thing I’m not a third base coach.

Later in that inning, Cervelli snagged his first hit, and in the seventh he walked and scored the Yankees’ fourth run when Damon doubled him home.  I like Cervelli but if you walk him to lead off an inning, like Bob McCrory did, you should probably be fined or something. Still, I’m pulling for the kid, mainly because I don’t know who Kevin Cash is and don’t care to find out. The only thing I want to watch Cash do is star in a Monument Valley western with Cody Ransom.

Anyway, Cervelli, who somehow managed to make it through the game without spontaneously combusting, was pumped when the Orioles’ last batter struck out, as were his teammates. The Yankees lined up to enthusiastically hug Sabathia, which I imagine is what most fans watching at home wanted to do to him, too, after this past week.

If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring?

“Pilgrims” and “Hayfever” are acceptable answers but, also: rainouts. The Yankees and Angels postponed the fourth game of their series today; no makeup date announced yet, and it was the Angels’ only trip to the city this year, so I guess they’ll have to get a little creative. Mets-Phils were rained out too but Boston and Tampa are playing on TBS if you need a fix.

I was a little nervous about heading to the new Stadium for the first time, especially after checking out Citi Field recently and finding it, while very nice, just unsettlingly different and odd and un-Mets-like. But I’ve got to say that while my bitterness at the new Stadium’s prices and medieval caste system (the good seats actually have a moat around them) and Hard Rock-ness and, really, its very existence remains undiminished… well, I liked it  better than I thought I would. Much more on that below.

Of course tonight’s taut, well-paced game helped a lot, as the Yankees beat the Angels 7-4 . The Angels struck first, the Yankees answered, the Angels took the lead again, the Yankees took it back, the Angels tied it up… A.J. Burnett looks like he’s been reading his How to Have an Off Night Without F*#^ing Imploding textbook. It took him a long time to find any kind of groove, but he “grinded it out” (to use Joe Girardi’s favorite vague post-game term), kept the game under control, and made it through seven innings.

The Yankees broke through in the eighth, off of Justin Speier, starting with a single that brought Robinson Cano’s hitting streak up to 17 games. Posada moved him over to third, and newly minted fan favorite Nick Swisher was intentionally walked – an understandable strategy that backfired when Melky Cabrera singled in the go-ahead run. Then Ramiro Pena of all people doubled, and it was 7-4 Yankees. Phil Coke and Mariano Rivera tied up the lose ends.

Many people have noticed that the crowds at the new place were too quiet, and I’ve sensed that from watching on TV too – but it got properly loud tonight, much to my relief. Not Red Sox loud, or playoff loud, but pretty damn loud, and when Jeter got a two-out single in the 4th to give the Yankees a lead, it was the same kind of thick, tangible wave of decibels I remember from so many games across the street. There were still plenty of empty $2500 $1250 seats, and it still hurts to see views like that going to waste, but it didn’t seem to make much of a dent in the cumulative enthusiasm.

(Side note: we’re now entering the stage of Derek Jeter’s career where he passes someone on one all-time franchise list or another basically every time he scratches his balls. Tonight he moved into #9 on the Yankee’s all-time RBI lists, and a few days ago, his 8,103rd at-bat moved him past Micky Mantle for a Yankee record. From now on, I think we can expect milestones of varying degrees of obscurity roughly once a week.)

Getting back to the Stadium: there are certainly flaws, and if you’re reading this you probably don’t need me to tell you what they are; I can’t put it much better than Alex did, when he compared it to being inside a pinball machine. Lots of random noises and flashing lights. The Mohegan Sun restaurant between the bleachers reminds me of the obelisk in 2001: A Space Odyssey. The Great Hall is too much, Vegas overkill, and that name sounds like something from Tolkein (one of the scenes you skipped because it was like 12 solid pages of someone singing in Elvish). The whole place is so big, and so heavily branded, that it feels a bit like a theme park – welcome to YankeeWorld™!

As others have noted, the screen in center field is a little overwhelming – talk about larger than life:

Something I loved from my childhood. Something that could never ever possibly destroy us... Mr. Stay Puft!

The player’s faces loom like those Easter Island heads.

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A few scenes from the Yankees’ weekend in Boston:

Yeah, that coulda gone better.

With the obligatory disclaimer that it is only April, etc. etc., the Yanks had another tough loss to the Sox tonight, going down 4-1 to complete Boston’s sweep.

The game was tied at one when, in the fifth, things got a bit away from Andy Pettitte. It wasn’t a meltdown, as he was able to limit the damage, and the bullpen for a change didn’t give up a run — but the Sox’s three-run lead turned out to be plenty. New York’s only run came when Hideki Matsui scored on Bret Gardner’s sacrifice fly; the offense had several promising opportunities, but couldn’t get a big blow against the Sox pitchers, and ended up stranding eight runners. Twenty-four-year-old Justin Masterson was solid for Boston (though he did have some help from Angel “.167/.167/.167” Berroa), and so was hot prospect Michael Bowden, who pitched two perfect innings. Takashi Saito closed it out.

It was in that fateful fifth inning that Jacoby Ellsbury stole home, which I have to admit was pretty freaking awesome. Some blame goes to Posada for apparently not paying close enough attention – with a left-hander in the batter’s box, he should have had a clear view of third base – but credit where credit’s due, that’s a gutsy move. I know some people aren’t going to like that Ellsbury took a curtain call, but I say you go for it there: the crowd was insistent and besides, while people hit big home runs all the time, how often do you get to steal home? It was the first time a Red Sox player has done it in 10 years.

Mark Melancon, who we’ve been hearing about for quite a while now, relieved Pettitte in his Yankees debut, and started off pretty well with a scoreless 7th. One inning later, he seemed to have utterly lost the strike zone– a single, a walk, a hit batter – but much to my surprise he wriggled out of the bases-loaded, nobody-out jam, with a strikeout sandwiched between two ground balls.

Momentum-shifter?… well, no. Still, at least this was a decently crisp and fairly close loss, and not another hot mess like yesterday. Yes, I am struggling to find positives here.

Other good things I noticed from last night’s game:

-Nobody was injured.
-It didn’t rain.
-Mark Melancon doesn’t seem to rattle easy.
-Unlike during Saturday’s game, my dog did not puke up an entire sock.
– Every season, Kevin Youkilis looks more and more like the kind of disreputable extra that late-career John Wayne would punch out in a frontier bar brawl.

The Yankees head to Motown tomorrow… which I guess is as good a place as any to do a little soul-searching.

Sometimes, in my more wistful moments, I feel kind of bad for Carl Pavano. Who knows how different the public view of him would be if the Yankees had attributed his 2006 spring training injury to, say, a strained lower back, instead of the infamous “bruised buttocks”? His old teammates openly mocked him and his ex-girlfriend is calling him a headcase in press conferences (albeit a competitive one). Pavano just grinned when he was booed during Cleveland’s introduction on Thursday, but what else could he really do?

Still – you don’t get the sense that he actually feels too much regret over taking $40 million from New York, and giving back a 9-8 record with a 5.0 ERA. Maybe that’s because he gave it his all and was just the helpless victim of cruel circumstance… or, maybe it’s because he’s a complete jackass. The mystery endures.

Anyway, Pavano pretty much dominated the Yankees for six-plus innings today, in what could have been a completely excruciating, soul-sucking loss, had things gone a bit differently. A.J. Burnett did not have his good control, walking six, hitting a batter, and letting fly a couple wild pitches, but he kept things from getting out of hand – and when the mighty Pavano left the game, the Yanks were able to rally, thanks to a key home run from Jorge Posada in the seventh. (I imagine that Jorge Posada, of all people, was not going to deal particularly well with losing to Carl Pavano).

At the end of the day it was a 7-3 win for New York.  I suppose the outcome is all that matters, but it’s still too bad the Yankees couldn’t take their revenge on Pavano – and this was probably the last chance they’ll get, since one can only assume the guy will be back on the DL by the end of May.

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I feel like that title’s probably been used before, but all my Easter puns were in rather poor taste.

Joba Chamberlain made his first start of the season this afternoon, finally giving fans something to talk about besides his efforts to butter up arresting officers while drunk, and thank god for that. He pitched a somewhat rocky but ultimately effective six innings, giving up three runs, but only one earned (thanks to a late and just correction from the official scorer). The Yankees rallied from 3-1 to take a 4-3 lead in the seventh, but the bullpen couldn’t hold it, and the Royals came back from the dead salvaged the final game of the series, winning 6-4.

Mark Teixeira was out today again with a sore wrist that they’re (for now) calling tendonitis, which sent me and, I’m sure, thousands of others scurrying to WebMD. Not that helpful, though as usual I picked out four or five new fatal diseases I could conceivably have.  Anyway, with Teixeira out and Posada and Damon resting, the Yankees didn’t put forth their strongest lineup – Gardner leading off, Melky in left, Molina behind the plate, and of course Cody Ransom still at third, doing all he can to make sure Yankees fans properly appreciate and respect the talents of Alex Rodriguez.

In the top of the first Brett Gardner singled, stole second, moved to third on a groundout, and then dashed home on a wild pitch that never got all that far from catcher John Buck — manufacturing a run with that speed we’ve been hearing so much about. Said David Cone, who I think is developing a bit of a man-crush: “There’s no hitch in that giddyup!”

After that first inning, Gil Meche settled down in a big way and once again made me feel like an idiot for having made so much fun of that signing. He allowed scattered hits here and there but kept the Yankees from putting anything together for the next five innings.  Meanwhile, Chamberlain started off great, with two super-efficient 1-2-3 innings, before allowing a solid John Buck homer to left in the third inning. But his biggest struggles came in the fourth, as he got himself into a hole with a walk and a hit batter. He managed two outs, but then Alberto Callaspo reached on a Nick Swisher error (inexplicably scored a hit at first), and new Joba nemesis John Buck singled DeJesus and Teahen home. It was 3-1 KC.

By this time Meche was in his groove, and the Yankee offense sputtered for a couple innings They finally broke through in the seventh: Swisher and Matsui each swung at Meche’s first offering and singled; Nady doubled Swisher in; Cano reached on an error while Matsui came home; and finally Melky Cabrera’s second double play of the game was good for an RBI. Okay, so it wasn’t exactly an overwhelming show of force, but it looked like it was going to get the job done. Brian Bruney pitched a strong seventh, too.

So it seemed the Yanks had resurrected staged their comeback – but after Damaso Marte’s two outs in the eighth, things fell apart for the bullpen. Joe Girardi was making a lot of moves, searching for most advantageous matchup, and I’m sure he’s going to be heavily criticized for that, because why bother when you’ve got God Mariano Rivera available? I wonder if the Yankees have specific health-related reasons for not wanting to use Mo more than one inning, in which case Girardi’s moves wouldn’t seem all that unreasonable to me — as Dolly Parton once sang, “Well, it looked good on paper” — but who knows.

Anyway, it went like this: Billy Butler pinch  hit for lefty Jacobs, so Girardi swapped out Marte for Jose Veras, who promptly gave up a walk. Then Phil Coke came in to face Brayan “[Sic]” Pena, who promptly tied the game with a double. Callaspo singled, and John “Yankee Killer” Buck doubled, and the Royals had a two-run lead that Joakim Soria, who is a serious badass, had no trouble nailing down securing. Afterwards Coke, who looks about 17, wore an expression that suggested he was barely suppressing the urge to hurl himself off the nearest tall building. Somebody please give that kid a Cadbury Creme egg and a hug.

The Yanks are off to Tampa, and I’m off to do my taxes. Actually, I wouldn’t take a Cadbury Creme egg or a hug amiss right now either.

Well, I guess this is what happens when you forget to smear lamb’s blood over the bat rack.

Why on all other nights during the year does Chien-Ming Wang’s sinker sink, but tonight it is straight down the middle?

Hmmmm, no, doesn’t quite work. How about: The maror, or bitter herbs, symbolize the bitterness of leaving a metric ton of runners on base in two consecutive games….

Or: And Mark Teixeira went unto the Orioles pitchers, and spake thus: let my left-handed swing go, that it may serve the Yankees; and if you refuse to let it go, I will smite all thy borders with… uh, frogs —

Ah, screw it. The Orioles beat the Yankees 7-5 tonight, in a game that wasn’t actually as close as that makes it sound (until suddenly it was). Needless to say it is far to early to fret, let alone worry, let alone panic, but this wasn’t what you’d call a gem of a game. Chien Ming Wang was not himself; Ken Singleton said he wasn’t “getting on top of his sinker,” which is what announcers always say on those rare occasions when Wang starts chucking meatballs down the middle. Japanese pitcher Koji Uehara, formerly Hideki Matsui’s teammate on the Yomiuri Giants, took the mound for the O’s, and while I wasn’t exactly awed by him, he did get the job done. The Yankees’ unleavened (sorry) offense sputtered for most of the game, eking out a run here and there before rousing itself in the ninth – too little too late, but still a somewhat more positive note to end on.

Wang allowed two runs in the first inning on three consecutive doubles, then semi-fooled me with a 1-2-3 second, and squeaked out of trouble in the third. The Yankees scored their first run in the fourth, when Cody Ransom doubled in Xavier Nady, and in general they seemed to be putting together some more impressive at-bats and maybe gathering a little momentum. But things fell apart for Wang in the bottom of the inning – Scott singled, Pie walked, Zaun doubled, Roberts singled, sac fly, home run from Nick Markakis (now hitting .714 on the season) – you get the idea. When the smoke cleared, the Yankees were down 7-1 and Edwar Ramirez was in the game.

Derek “D-Cline” Jeter had a strong night, 2-for-4 in the end with a walk; Posada looked good on a strong double, and scored the Yankees’ second run in the sixth inning, when Cano doubled him home. Mark Teixeira, however, was having tougher time: going into the ninth he was 0-for-4, and so 0-for-8 in his brief Yankees career. And while, obviously, this is completely meaningless two games in, I was still a little worried that it was going to become A Thing – that fans and media would focus on it, laser-like, until some kind of obsessive watch for the first hit developed, and maybe a mental block, and who knows.

[Side note: New York sports fans do not have the right to criticize other fans for their booing habits, ever, so I’m not saying Baltimore fans shouldn’t be booing Teixeira so intensely. They should boo whoever they want whenever they want and more power to them. However, I’m confused about the particular hostility to Teixeira, because: did anyone ever think he was actually going to end up in Baltimore? I don’t believe I heard a soul suggest that as a strong possibility. It’s like if I started booing George Clooney because he wasn’t dating me, or Mayor Bloomberg for not giving me a key to the city… I mean, these things were never even on the table, you know? No one in San Francisco is going to boo Sabathia for not giving the Giants a hometown discount, because it was a nonissue. I just feel like I’m missing something].

It was 7-2 O’s in the top of the ninth when the Yankees got their act semi-together. Gardner was on base with two outs when Jeter hit his first home run of the year, making it 7-4, and Johnny Damon walked. This brought up Teixeira in the big spot, under pressure, A-Rod-style… and he hit a nice strong double to center, and now we can stop reading about his tiny little 0-fer. Phew. Of course Matsui then popped out, so, moot point.

Tomorrow the Yankees face a largely unknown rookie with an ERA over 6, which means you can expect them to be shut out. Unless maybe A.J. Burnett parts the Orioles batters like the… well, you know.

So here’s my personal list of baseball-related goals for 2009:

1. Stop reading stories about A-Rod and Madonna

It’s either that or stop drinking – I simply can’t afford to keep losing this many brain cells. And every time I click through to Page Six and read about how, say, there may be some tension in the relationship because Alex has been skipping Kabbalah classes (no, really), I lose another chunk of my ever-dwindling self-respect.

This resolution also applies to whoever A-Rod dates after Madonna, and all of Derek Jeter’s myriad starlet flings. Though if Joba starts dating Britney Spears I cannot make any promises.

2. Decide whether or not I believe Pete Rose should be in the Hall

I’ve been waffling on this one for years and years; I intend to get off the fence with a well-supported argument by Spring Training at the latest.

3. Find something interesting about Mark Teixeira

I mean aside from his prodigious on-field skills, of course. There must be something… but I sure haven’t discovered it yet. Dude’s Wikipedia page appears to have been written by Scott Boras.

Also, I only just now realized I’ve been misspelling “Teixeira” for years.

3a. Stop misspelling “Teixeira”

After Mientkiewicz this will be a piece of cake.

4. Sell or pawn whatever is necessary to buy tickets to at least one game at the new Stadium this year

and, related,

4a. Continue complaining incessently about the cost of everything at the new Stadium

Seriously, nobody should have to chose between a Loge seat to a game against the Orioles plus a beer and a hot dog, or their child’s college education. I’m not getting past this.

5. Watch (even) more Mets

Just because their broadcasting trio of Gary, Keith & Ron is so awesome, and a significant step up from the YES Network’s revolving door of Michael Kay plus the Vaguely Ill-At-Ease Ex-Player of the Day. It’s nothing against Kay, and Ken Singleton is silky smooth, and of course I will always love Paul O’Neill just as deeply as I did when I was 13 (which is to say very, very deeply) — but the Yankees’ booth just doesn’t have  the rapport of the Mets’, in part I suspect because it changes so often.

(And yes, Hernandez did make those rather unfortunate remarks a few years back about how women have no place anywhere near a baseball field in a professional capacity — the exact words being, as I recall, “I won’t say that women belong in the kitchen, but they don’t belong in the dugout” — but you know what they say: you are what you love, not what loves you back).

6. Refuse to watch any speech or announcement by Bud Selig lasting more than 90 seconds.

Life is too short. It’s not even what he says, though I have my share of issues with that; it’s the sucking void where his charisma should be. I’ve felt more engaged watching mold grow on broccoli.

Finally, the resolution I’ve been making for years now without discernable success:

7. Learn how to throw a knuckleball.

I practice sometimes when I’m throwing the ball for my dog, but unfortunately my knuckleball still looks remarkably like my changeup.  (Even more unfortunately, my curve, slider, and fastball also all look remarkably like my changeup).

Anyone else have any?