"A New York Treasure" --Village Voice

New York Minute

Picture this: I’m over-dressed in my goose-down winter coat this morning looking like the goddamn Stay-Puft marshmallow man. My backpack is loaded with gifts that I’m bringing to my family’s Chanukah party tonight. I’ve got two shopping bags, one with more presents, the other with the cabbage salad I prepared last night. By hand, dammit, I sliced four heads of cabbage–thin!–by hand.

“Why don’t you just use the machine?” said the wife.

“Tradition!” I say, referring as much to the masochism as the end result.

So I get on the subway with all my junk, neck still sore from leaning over the cutting board, and sit at the end of the car, next to the wall, so that I’ll only have a person to my right. In no time, the train is crowded. And then, at 181st street, the subway moment I dread–hot food.

Two people, two sausage, egg and cheese sandwiches. Nowhere for me to move. Trapped.

And they housed that shit by the time we got to 137th street. Believe it.


1 Sliced Bread   ~  Dec 21, 2011 9:14 am

should have taken the Yankees Holiday Express. No weak ass hot food allowed.


2 imaginaryrob   ~  Dec 21, 2011 9:34 am

Man, those two sure do look happy with their grub. I can't tell if the dude is about to take a bite of that sandwich, or kiss it.

3 bags   ~  Dec 21, 2011 9:42 am

"the moment i dread - hot food."

haha. excellent.

4 Alex Belth   ~  Dec 21, 2011 9:47 am

2) They kissed each other after they finished. Oh, it was painful, B.

5 ms october   ~  Dec 21, 2011 10:49 am

[4] hahaha, damn.

slicing shit up is one thing about cooking i could do without. i don't use any machine either.

i hate having to carry a bunch of junk on a crowded train. we did one of those white elephant gift exchanges at work on monday and i ended up with a lava lamp - i immediately got someone who was going to another party and needed a toys for tots gift to take that thing.

6 Alex Belth   ~  Dec 21, 2011 10:55 am

A lava lamp? Oh, baby.

7 ms october   ~  Dec 21, 2011 11:30 am

[6] yep - with fish in it.

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"This ain't football. We do this every day."
--Earl Weaver